The Hardest Part
by Haley's Comet
Summary: Ellie's life will take some unexpected turns as she finds herself walking in footsteps that are not her own, but will it be to late before she can realize herself and make a change?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so this is a fan fiction based on if some rumors about the ending of season 7 which turned out not to be true. I'm writing about Ellie and I don't want to give too much of the hopelessly dramatic plot away, so I won't say anymore, but please read and review**

**Disclaime****r****: I do not own Degrassi, or any of its characters. The only thing I am to the show is a fan. I'm not writing this fic for any profit what-so-ever.**

* * *

_One-_

Ellie woke up at about noon on an unordinary sunny day, causing her to move swiftly across the room to pull the blinds down with her scarlet ringlet's flowing behind her. She pulled her untidy hair back and out of her eyes with one hand and with the other she massaged her temples. She had a splitting headache that wouldn't seize that was almost numbing. As she looked around her whole room was a mess.

Ellie had never felt so sick. Her entire room was spinning as she paced around it trying to clear her head. She could barely even remember the previous night, other then the fact that there was lots of alcohol.

Ellie swayed out of her bedroom door feeling uneasy as she hobbled down the stairs where Marco greeted her cheerfully.

"Please, Marco" Ellie moaned. "Not so loud, okay?"

"Sorry" he replied. "Still feeling sick from that party we had last night?"

"Believe me when I say _yes_." She croaked. "I can barely even remember there being a party."

"You've got it bad"

Ellie sighed and nodded as she took a seat at the kitchen table.

"Well at least we don't have classes for another week, right?" Marco asked, hopeful to cheer her up.

"Yeah, I guess."

"A day for lucky moms and dads to be getting brimming baskets of dirty—and probably over-due laundry"

"Speaking of which" Ellie responded, "Are you going to visit your parents this week?"

"I don't know." Marco Replied. "I mean, maybe but they haven't even called me back yet. How about you?"

"I was thinking maybe later this week I would see my mom. You know, to check in?"

"Yeah, how's she been doing?"

"I don't know--that's why I want to be checking in"

Marco yawned deeply and stretches out his arms. "So, last night was the end of the semester shindig, but I've gotta' say I'm much more excited for tomorrow nights party." He stated.

"_Tomorrow_ night's party?" Ellie questioned.

"Yeah" Marco replied. "Remember? Tomorrow we're partying it up with some people at Degrassi high. We never see them anymore."

"Oh—yeah. I almost forgot."

"You're still going to be around, right?"

"I don't know, I mean probably."

"Come on El—"

"Okay, well as long as Manny isn't coming." Ellie said with a smirk, poring herself some juice that was on the table.

Marco looked slightly guilty as he stared back at Ellie with a smile beginning to crackle through his face.

"Manny's coming?" Ellie asked, her temper beginning to rise.

"Well technically… yes." Marco said. "But a lot of people are and you won't even have to talk to her. You might not even see her."

Ellie sighed and began rubbing her temples as her splitting headache reemerged.

* * *

The next day rushed by pretty quickly until about seven when Marco was rushing around the house, getting everything ready for the party as Ellie and Paige were lounging around on the couch lazily.

"I could use a little help here guys." Marco said, sounding stressed.

"You could?" Ellie asked. "You could have fooled us from how you band us from getting chips."

"I just asked why you were grabbing the half-full bag of sun chips, which most people don't like anyway, when there are about 3 bags of unopened Doritos."

"Nice try hun" Said Paige, "But what I believe you said was, 'Don't touch that and get the hell out of the kitchen'."

"Fine" Marco said. "I'm sorry, but will you please help?"

"Fair enough" Ellie said, getting to her feet and pulling Paige up with her. "What do you need?"

"Just get refreshments ready" he said.

"Aye-aye captain" Ellie replied with a giggle, pulling Paige into the kitchen with her.

After the two got all the drinks out, they sat down at the kitchen table. Paige and Ellie were getting along a lot better then usual, which made the house seem a lot—quieter. After Paige started working most of the time and they got some space from one-another, they began to bond. This made Marco happy since he no longer had to break-up little cat-fights all day long.

"So, Hun." Paige said, moving her hair to one side of her shoulders. "You've been single for quite some time now."

"Yeah" Ellie laughed. "So?"

"So—Is there anyone you think you might be interested in?" Paige asked.

"No, not at the time. I don't know—I just haven't been in date-mode lately."

"Well Ellie, you know you have to date to be in date-mode right?"

Ellie rolled her eyes and shifted into a relaxing position of her chair, leaning back. "What are you getting at Paige?"

"Who says I'm getting at anything?"

"I'm not going to let you set me up with anybody Paige, so just forget about it."

"Ellie, you are just no fun at all, you know that?"

"Oh course."

* * *

About two hours later almost everyone was there. It was so great to see so many familiar faces. It became impossible to hear your own thoughts in the blaring of music and other voices, and everyone seemed to be having fun.

Ellie was in a small group of people, catching up with some old friends. She was chatting with Marco, Spinner, Jimmy and Jane.

"Too bad Craig's not here, or we could play with the band" Ellie directed towards Marco and Jimmy.

"Yeah, the one where you replaced Spinner" Jimmy laughed.

"Oh yeah, that's hysterical Jimmy" Spinner said.

"Sorry Spin." Ellie laughed.

"Don't be sorry, El. Spinner was a lousy drummer." Marco said, adding to the laughter.

"I was not that bad!" Spinner said defensively. "And besides, I'm in my own band now if you didn't hear."

"Yeah because Peter, Danny, Sav and you are just amazing." Jane said sarcastically.

"Right" Replied Spinner, "Now your all gaining up."

More laughter erupted until Marco gave Spinner a slap on the back and faced Ellie.

"Have you seen Paige around?" He asked.

"Last I saw she was speaking to Manny." Ellie replied, stretching out her back and raising her cup and shaking it a little. "Well, I need to get another drink. Anybody else in?"

Everybody replied in a big murmuring no, as Ellie began to walk back to the kitchen with some difficulty.

"Take it easy El." Marco said as she parted from them.

Ellie got to the kitchen and grabbed a drink from the fridge. As she brought the can close to her lap she couldn't manage to open it. She moaned angrily as she slapped it on the table looking around for help. Jay jumped down from sitting on the table with Manny and opened the can for her.

"You know when it's probably time to stop drinking, Red? Probably when you can no longer open the can." He said, looking back at the crowd behind him.

Ellie didn't reply, but took the can from Jay and held it to her side. She started to leave but stopped as Jay began speaking again.

"By the way, Sean's coming. That'll be pretty interesting. You should just let Marco know."

Ellie agreed as she came approached Marco again. The rest of the night was just a big, giant blur.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so this is a fan fiction once again is based on if some rumors about the ending of season 7 which turned out not to be true.**

**This chapter is a **_**little**_** bit short, but not to bad. Anyways I had a lot of fun writing this one and it definitely gets more into the plot. I like that this chapter has some Sellie. **

* * *

_Two-_

Ellie began opening her eyes and the room slowly started to get in focus. She was looking up at the ceiling as her red, squinty, sleep-deprived eyes started to tear from the light. She sat up and saw that she was just safe and sound in the comfort of her bedroom. Ellie sighed in relief and got to her feet, stretching out her limbs.

She scratched the back of her neck and rolled it side from side to relieve the pain within it. As Ellie turned to her side, she saw a half-filled plastic cup of beer, causing some memories of the party to come rushing back, but she only could remember to a certain point. The last she remembered was speaking to Jay.

As she rolled to her opposite side, Ellie gave a small but extremely surprise-filled shriek as she spotted someone still in her covers. She glanced around in panic, and then began tapping the person vigorously on the back.

"Um, hey-- whoever you are." She said very meekly. "Wake-up, um—_Please_."

The person began to move and Ellie stopped. He turned around on his side and slowly opened his eyes.

"Sean?" Ellie asked, raising her voice.

"Ellie" Sean replied questionably.

"How did this-- Well, I mean I don't even know if anything did-- We couldn't of, I mean, I would have remembered if…" Ellie babbled.

"We did" Sean interrupted. "I mean, I-- think we did, didn't we?"

"I don't know!" She shouted both nervous, and frustrated.

"You don't remember?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Well—no—I mean, do you?"

"Not much" He replied. "Bits and pieces I guess."

"And--"

"I'm thinking we did." He replied.

"Oh, god" Ellie said quietly, sounding upset. She paced the room and sat down on the floor, leaning her back up against the wall, then pulled her head down and rested it on her knees, hiding her face. "Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh _god!"_

Sean stood up and kneeled by her trying to think of something reassuring to say. His hand moved toward her and was about to rest on her shoulder, but dropped to the ground as Ellie's head shot up and she began to speak, surprising him. He soon became very interested in the ceiling.

"I mean, how could this even have happened? I don't even remember you coming to the party last night. Just Jay telling me about it."

"You don't remember me coming?" Sean asked. "I mean, you don't remember _anything_?"

"No! Nothing!" She yelled, getting slightly annoyed.

"Okay, well focus. I'll try to help you remember. I was looking for Emma, right?"

Ellie began thinking long and hard and began having a flashback.

* * *

**Flashback**

Ellie was talking to Spinner, Jay, Paige and Marco when Sean showed up behind Jay.

"Hey you're here" Jay said enthusiastically.

"Yeah" Sean replied. "Not for very long though."

"Too bad, man." Jay responded.

"Have you seen Emma?" Sean asked.

"Yeah, she's around here somewhere, but I wouldn't go looking for her or anything man, I mean, she has a boyfriend now."

"That's never stopped me before" Sean said, looking around. "I'll catch back up with you guys later."

**end of flashback**

* * *

"You were looking for Emma" Ellie repeated in the form of a question.

"Yeah I was looking for Emma." Sean replied.

"So, I still don't get how we ended up here together--"

"I just remember seeing you after looking for a bathroom."

Ellie began to remember more about the previous night in a new flashback.

* * *

**Flashback**

Ellie's head was spinning, but as she slowly made her way up the stairs, all the steps seemed to mesh together. She got to the top of the steps, but as she staggered along, Ellie threw-up in a large vase that was at the end of the hall. As she looked back up her eyes were a little clearer, but her head was still spinning so she made her way to her bedroom and laid on her back on her bed.

About five or ten minutes later, Sean was standing in the door frame with a beer in his hand.

"Sean?" Ellie called out.

"Yeah" He replied, walking in and shutting the door behind him. He turned on the light and sat down on a random chair. "Emma doesn't love me"

"What?" Ellie asked.

"Emma. She loves _Damien."_ He said gloomily, "Not me. Not anymore."

"Craig didn't love me." Ellie replied sitting up. "Neither did Jessie."

"I did" Sean said reassuringly, and they both smiled. "We are perfect for each other, you know."

"How do you mean?" Ellie asked.

"We both have been let down by people we thought loved us." Sean replied, setting his cup on the nightstand. "Well Emma, Craig and Jimmie can all go to hell"

"It's Jamie" Ellie said. "Er—I mean Jessie--I think."

"Well whatever." He replied. "The point is—Screw 'em."

"You're right." Ellie agreed.

Sean moved from the chair to the bed and sat down beside her. "I'm so unhappy." He slurred.

"Hey-- We don't need them remember?" She said pulling Sean into a hug.

Sean hugged her back but his face got pulled into her hair. He inhaled deeply and he smelled something fruity, like strawberry. He pulled back from her and grasped some strands of her hair and tucked them behind her ear. "I missed you" He said calmly.

Ellie's hand moved up to the back of his neck as Sean pulled her chin to him and kissed her.

**End of flashback**

* * *

**Anyways, that was the first chapter. I really hoped everyone liked it! I want to have a chance to thank everyone for the lovely reviews, so thank you so much Greg Styles, ****hudsygurl****, ****S.L. Gunn****, ****ScreamsInTheDark****, ****Brooks's-Babey**** and ****Dahlia Faith Black****. It means so much to me that you have commented on my work. **

**The next chapter is a very interesting one, and will be posted very soon, so I hope everyone checks back!**


	3. Chapter 3

**This Chapter really brings the whole Sellie thing into perspective. It has on last flash-back, which is actually part of a Degrassi mini that I'm adding to the story. Enjoy! **

* * *

_Three-_

Ellie held a blank stare for a short time, and then began slowly shaking her head. "I remember." She spoke softly, and her voice became course.

"Yeah—Is that, like a good thing?" Sean asked. "What I trying to say is--well… How do you feel about, you know, what happened?" Sean spoke softly to, but also sounded very awkward.

"Well—I don't know, I mean, everything's a bit…strange." She replied.

"Yeah, I know." Sean responded. "So what do we do now?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well fist of all, is there even a _we?_ I mean, we're going to have to talk about this sooner or—"

"Later?" Ellie interrupted. "Later. Later is actually sounding really good right now, so I just—I need to get dressed…" She said looking down at her small amount of clothing. "Because apparently I'm lacking. Do you mind?"

Sean quickly turned away like a perfect gentleman as Ellie grabbed for a navy robe on a chair near her desk. She quickly fastened it around her waste and began to speak again.

"I—um, I have to go."

"Ellie." Sean said a little louder now, finally above a whisper. "We really need to talk over some things."

"Look this is just a little much right now okay? I mean I just woke up with my Ex-hunny in bed with me after looking to announce his undying love for someone who is _not_ me, and crazily enough has a boyfriend. I mean come on Sean; we barely even talked after you left to live with your parents."

"When I came back Ellie—I came back for you, remember?"

**Flashback**

Ellie was sitting at the dot when suddenly her cell phone rang.

"Hello?" She called out

"Ellie. It's Sean." The voice said back.

"Sean Cameron. I've barely heard from you in a year—What's going on?"

"Why don't you look down the bar and find out?"

Ellie looked down the long row of stools and saw Sean in one, revealing himself from behind a golden folder in his hand. They both smiled at each other and Sean greeted her with a hug, which took Ellie by surprise. "Hey—Stranger." She said awkwardly.

"Wow you look amazing—I can't even believe it's you." Sean replied, beaming. Ellie just stared at him, raising an eyebrow. "Sorry—That came out wrong"

"You always were a wizard with compliments" Ellie teased. "you look good too by the way. So what brings you here?"

"I'm meeting with banks for a loan." Sean replied. "I'm opening up my own shop. Customizing bikes." He said lifting the folder in his hand.

"Wow look at you Mr. Future Entrepreneur."

"Well—I've done some growing up."

"Me too" She replied. "It's actually kinda built into the whole 'getting older' thing."

"I'm serious—I'm not the same guy you used to know. Lot's of things have changed, I know what I want and—I'm gunna' get it."

"Hmm—Says the guy who bailed on me, with an apartment I can't afford." Ellie scoffed.

"That was a year ago."

"So? There's an expiration date on being pissed? Sean I'm still mad at you."

"I'm still sorry." Sean replied. "After the shooting I—I needed to go home, I—had a lot of stuff to think about."

"Yeah well I needed stuff too." Ellie replied. "And _now_ I need to get to school."

"Wait—just, hear me out." Sean replied grabbing her wrist as she began to leave. "it's been a year since we broke up, and a lot of things have changed—not my feelings about you. Alright? I still care about you Ellie."

Sean slowly starts to kiss her when Ellie cuts him off.

"Whoa—Okay Sean." Ellie said, pushing him away. "When you moved away from Degrassi, I moved on. Sorry."

"Boyfriend?" He asked.

"No—but I _do_ like someone. A lot."

"Who?" Sean asked.

Ellie scoffed. "That's none of your business. Not anymore." Ellie was angry, but still felt kind of bad as she left him there. "Good luck with the bank loan. Bye"

"Bye."

**End of flashback**

"_Yes _I remember Sean, but let's test you memory. Who was it that only a short time after you still ended up chasing Emma around like a love-sick puppy. Don't insult me Sean, it was always about her."

"That's not true." He replied sternly.

Ellie sighed and shook her head. "We shouldn't be fighting. It was a long time ago and—not even the point. The point is I just need a little bit of time to think, you know? Things _have_ been kind of crazy."

"Yeah, I—I know."

"Okay, well I have to meet Paige for a movie today, so I'm going to go downstairs for breakfast. Feel free to gain total access to the shower, and—I'll call. Soon, I promise."

Sean nodded and sat up as Ellie left the room. '_What _was _that?' _Ellie thought to herself. _'This is just way to crazy.' _

As Ellie walked down the steps groggily and overwhelmed, the sound of Paige and Marco laughing filled her head. She sighed as she sat at the kitchen table to join them.

"Hey guys." She said gloomily.

"_Another_ hangover?" Marco asked. "Well it's not like I didn't expect it, you went to town on the refreshments last night and you Nash women aren't indestructible, you know."

Ellie faked a laugh as she got up and walked towards the coffee machine and poured herself a mug full. She took it back to the table and sat down again, taking small sips.

"Aren't you going to put some cream or something in that, Hun?" Paige asked.

"No." Ellie replied nonchalantly, causing Paige to make a disgusted face.

"So—Something tells me you won't be able to see a movie today?" Paige asked.

"No I—I totally will, just a later showing okay?"

"Around 8-ish good?" Paige asked.

"Yeah—that's fine. You in, Marco?"

"Yeah that should be fine." Marco replied. "Hey El, want a bowl of cereal or something? I know you probably feel sick, but you eat something."

Ellie thought about it for a while, then realized she wouldn't be able to escape Marco anytime soon, so she just nodded _yes_ in reply. "I'll eat what I can from it."

Marco and Paige chatted happily as Marco prepared Ellie a bowl of _Cap'n Crunch. _Ellie just grunted and nodded at the mention of her own name, but was mostly lost in her own headspace about Sean.

"So" Marco said, directed at Ellie, causing her to snap out of her trance. "You _turned in_ kind of early last night. Did you—meet someone?"

"Not exactly—" Ellie said, uncomfortably. "That's actually what I need to talk to you guys about. Okay so I was in my room, when—" She was cut of by the loud footstep thumping down the steps. Paige and Marco were in shock as Sean walked across the room heading for the front door.

"Talk to you later Ellie." Sean said, shutting the door behind him.

Paige and Marco looked at Ellie in awe as an awkward half-smile crackled through her lips. "Er—_surprise_?"

* * *

**Anyways, that was the first chapter. I really hoped everyone liked it! I want to have a chance to thank everyone (again) for the lovely reviews, so thank you so much Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,****XALLOWspuffyBuFf****, breathe-in3 and rocklesson86****. It means so much to me that you have commented on my work. **

**The next chapter is really good because you finally get to really see how everyone reacts after the previous night's party. It will be posted very soon, so remember to check back!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I really, really hope everyone is enjoying the story so far! This chapter may just seem like filler, but I assure you it's important, and relevant to the outcome of the story. I'm probably going to post chapter 5 shortly after this one, because I've been on a fan fiction rampage, it being summer and all. :)**

**Anyways, if you've been following along from when I first started writing this fic, here's a little recap of last chapter…**

"So" Marco said, directed at Ellie, causing her to snap out of her trance. "You _turned in_ kind of early last night. Did you—meet someone?"

"Not exactly—"Ellie said, uncomfortably. "That's actually what I need to talk to you guys about. Okay so I was in my room, when—" She was cut of by the loud footstep thumping down the steps. Paige and Marco were in shock as Sean walked across the room heading for the front door.

"Talk to you later Ellie." Sean said, shutting the door behind him.

Paige and Marco looked at Ellie in awe as an awkward half-smile crackled through her lips. "Er—_surprise_?"

* * *

_Four-_

"I would most certainly say so" Paige said, still in minor shock. She continued to stare at Ellie long and hard, waiting for some sort of explanation.

"_Stop_ looking at me like that!" Ellie huffed. She quickly turned away, but it was no use. She only felt the sensation of Paige burning a hole in her back.

"What were you thinking?" Marco asked. "I mean, _Sean?_"

"Sheesh, what's with the 3rd degree around here?" Ellie asked, now becoming irritated with their behavior. "It was a mistake, okay? Alright, so it was a pretty big mistake—"

"Hooking up with your Ex?" Paige interrupted. "Who by the way, you have shown _zero_ interest in, and haven't even _spoken_ about since he left to live with his parents—and then after he came back, he just went _Emma chasing."_

"Okay, you want me to feel bad? I do." Ellie snapped. "And in the meantime you guys can just lay-off."

"Look El, we didn't mean to make you mad." Marco's voice was so calming, but in an annoying sort of way. It can make anybody extremely irritated when there trying to be mad at him. "We just care about you. You know we do."

"Yeah I know." Ellie replied sadly. Marco and Paige continued to look at her as if they were expecting her to say more, although she didn't really know what they expected from her.

"_And?"_ Paige asked, trying to lead Ellie into conversation.

Ellie now knew she was right in them wanting more from her. "And—er, I'm sorry?"

"That's nice, Hun but you're not in high school anymore and I'm not your mother. What are you apologizing to me for? Anyways, I was wondering about the—details... How did this even happen? What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea." Ellie replied, stressfully. "I kind of feel bad though. Sean wanted to talk, but I totally bailed on the whole _conversation_ thing. I'm so not ready to talk to him right now."

Marco looked at Ellie with a surprised expression, and then a little, "huh..." escaped his lips, which also sounded surprised… and even a little impressed.

"What?" She asked.

"Well it's just… usually a drunken one night stand ends with the girl trying to get the guy to talk. I'm surprised he's being so cool about this. That's pretty rare you know."

"I suppose."

"Oh man, things are going to get really weird." Paige sighed.

"Wait, why?" Ellie asked. "Things do not have to be weird. We can just act like this whole thing was no big deal, and—"

"But it is a big deal." Marco interrupted. "I mean, how serious _are_ you about this?"

Ellie sighed, and then decided to relieve herself by being honest. "Ten." She said softly. "Serious to the _amount_ of ten." Ellie shook her head faced her friends again. "I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Well have you considered—you know, getting back together with him?" Paige asked.

"Yeah, I have thought all about it in the giant heaps of time I've had. I've been regrettably lacking you know. I'm still in kind of a shock."

Marco smiled and put a hand on Ellie's shoulder. "Yeah sure, because waking up next to your Ex can be—"

"Kind of shocking." Paige finished.

"Definitely." Ellie replied.

"Okay well—you know your going to have to talk to him soon." Marco said.

"Of course. I just have to figure out what I'm going to say, because right now—I'm kind of at a loss."

* * *

Ellie spent nearly the entire next two days pondering her situation, which triggered a dysphoria-like state of restlessness that was driving her insane. Here is what she knew. She _liked_ Sean. She just wasn't sure it was enough this time, in risk of getting hurt by him again. She wasn't sure if she wanted to take the chance…

'_Well maybe' _Ellie thought to herself. _'Maybe we could just—hang out. As friends—at least just for now?' _She didn't know who she was kidding, thinking this could work out—but this seemed small enough to take her chances on.

Ellie didn't want to keep Sean waiting around for her anymore so she knew it was time to give him some answers. _Real_ ones, anyway. She picked up her cell-phone and dialed his number. She hadn't even realized she had it memorized.

"Hello?" Sean's voice was calm—soothing even.

"Sean—it's Ellie."

"So you're talking to me, huh?" He didn't sound mad—or even upset. His tone of voice had a mixture or surprise from her call, and it also sounded a bit amused.

"Yeah—I'm sorry about that by the way—you know, rushing you out of my place? I just needed to think about—stuff."

"It's cool." He was so nonchalant.

"I've been thinking—"

"Congratz" He interrupted sarcastically.

Ellie giggled, and then covered it up with a sarcastic laugh, hoping he wouldn't notice. "Anyways, I've been _thinking_ you should meet me at the dot tomorrow. I guess after what happened I realized the weirdest thing about it was that we hadn't talked in _years."_

"Well you are kind of hard to even get on the phone."

"I said I was sorry." Ellie laughed. "_Anyways_—you couldn't exactly call us friends Sean. I kind of miss that. I really want to catch up, you know?"

"Not that you didn't sound completely lame calling me up to tell me this, but you do have a point." Sean replied. "I mean—I miss it to."

"No need to get all sappy on me, tough guy." She teased.

"Whatever Nash." He chuckled back.

"Well okay, then meet me at tomorrow at four, deal?"

"Yeah, okay."

* * *

**The next chapter is good, so keep checking in :)**

**I want to have a chance to thank everyone (again) for the lovely reviews, so thank you so much Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, ****carrebear14****, ****tribalranger**** and ****MAGRADY03**** . It means so much to me that you have commented on my work!**

**If you like my story so far, keep reviewing! Reviews are what make me inspired to continue the story and make quick updates!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey everyone! As promised, I'm posting the 5th chapter a little earlier then normal, and I think you're all going to like this chapter, because I've been getting more into the characters and have been having an easier time with the voice of the story. I hope you like it!**

* * *

_Five-_

Ellie woke the next morning, a little bit cheerier then usual. One of the reasons she knew was because of the fact she didn't drink the previous night into a coma. Of course, among that there were other reasons…

Things were finally starting to make sense. Ellie was no longer dodging interaction with Sean to avoid some sort of confrontation. The last thing she needs is to get into a quarrel with Sean because she has no idea what she wants.

Both Sean and Ellie were extremely clear on the situation at hand. They were just friends. Just friends who used to be in a relationship. Just friends who used be in a relationship, and now were going to the dot together, which most people outside their state of mind and understanding would consider some sort of date, but of course, it was not. _'Who are you kidding El?' _She thought to herself. '_You and Sean Cameron are not just friends.'_

The truth hit her smack in the face, but it's not like it brought her down or anything. Deep down, she knew she would always have a place in her heart for Sean. It's whether or not she acts on it that counts. So far on countless occasions, when she finally decides to take a chance, it only comes down to be either shot down, or some how hurt in the end. It's just not worth it sometimes. She's had learned this from infamous Craig. Infamous is taken literally of course, considering he was now touring with his band. There was no _way Chick-With-Sticks_ was going to be following him around like some groupie.

Ellie paces to the bathroom, and begins staring back at her reflection. The dark circles around her eyes were gone, and a beautiful pink flush graced her vampire cheekbones making her look a bit more—healthy. She loosely tied her hair back, using a black band she made out of a pair of ripped fishnet stockings. She used her creation in her hair quite often, being proud that she had something that matched just about every article of clothing she owned.

After applying a small amount of eyeliner and dark red lip-tinter, she was heading down the steps, taking in the smell of baking cookies. '_Well I guess Paige is home' _Ellie thought, knowing the delectable fragrance of her snikerdoodles anywhere. Her presence was welcome by the gleam of a received smile from Marco.

"Hey roomies." Ellie said happily, floating towards them.

Marco took Ellie's hand and gasped as he examined her. "Wow, look at you. You're all energized and you're cheeks are rosier then I have ever seen them." He then, began to move his hand over Ellie's head with their fingers still entwined as he began to twirl her.

Ellie obliged as she spun in a graceful circle, then took a seat at the kitchen table. Marco continued to stare at her. "I think—Oh my." Marco started. "You're _actually_ not having a huge hang-over today.'

Paige laughed from the stove as she turned off the timer. "Lay off her Marco. She not _always_ drinking. And besides, we _are_ in college if you haven't noticed."

"Yeah I know, I'm sorry." He chuckled. The truth is he wasn't sorry. The opportunity arose and he seized it. He wasn't about to let that lay there.

"That seriously felt like the first time I've slept in a month." Ellie said, changing the subject and stretching out her limbs. "I suppose I'm going to need the energy though. I'm meeting my mother after hanging out with Sean at the dot. I haven't seen her in a while, and I could tell when I talked to her on the phone that she was dying to see me."

"Wait, you're seeing Sean today?" Paige asked. "Does that mean you guys are—"

"Just friends?" Ellie interrupted. "Why yes Paige it does."

"_Sorry"_ She replied defensively. "I didn't mean to pry."

"You're not forgiven" Ellie said sarcastically. "Are those cookies done yet?"

"They have to cool, so be patient okay? That means you too Marco."

* * *

About four hours later, Ellie was resting on her stomach with a pair of headphones, reading a magazine. Her hair and make-up were still the same, but she was now wearing a pair of black faded skinny jeans, and a Ramones T-shirt. As she glanced at her alarm clock and took in the time, she realized she should start leaving to meet Sean.

She hastily gathered up her keys, cell phone and wallet and stuck them in a simple black bag and headed out. It wasn't until she left the house when she realized how nervous she was. What if things were awkward? There was no time to explore that issue further however, because she soon approached the dot.

As she walked through the door, Spinner immediately greeted her. "Hey—it's chick on sticks!" This was a name that only still stuck to Spinner, after everyone else resumed calling her _Ellie._ She suspected he only did this to irritate her because he's still bitter about her replacing him in _Downtown Sasquatch_—but she couldn't prove it.

"Hey Spin." She replied non-enthusiastically. Just as he was about to say something more, she breezed past him, pretending that she hadn't noticed, and took a seat at near-by table, smiling. She was too busy enjoying her own private joke to notice Sean sneak in, and sit at the opposite side of the table.

"How's it going Nash?" He still had a touch offhanded casualness that haunted his voice. He just seemed so laid back all the time, almost as bad as Jay—well not really. Nobody could '_not care'_ like Jay. Nobody had _fewer brain cells_ then Jay, either. That could possibly explain the reason of his superiority in the matter.

"Pretty good." She replied with a smile as a bonus. Seeing her smile could be rare at times. "And yourself?"

"You know." He replied, looking around almost nervously. "The usual. I mean—I've been keeping busy."

"So I've heard." Ellie responded. "It's been kind of hard keeping up with everything people have been saying about you, but I manage."

"Yeah, well I'll bet the rumors are more interesting." Something about what Sean had said triggered a memory of when they first met, locked up in detention. Ellie had said that same thing to him. _'Did he realize it when he was saying that?' _Ellie asked herself.

She didn't know for sure if it was just a coincidence, so she decided to just drag it along. "I doubt it." She spoke softly, and as he smiled Ellie knew that they were reminiscing together, and that she was not alone.

She shook her head, as if re-grouping from a moment of sappiness, and was just about to say something witty and sarcastic which she was normally extremely good at, but she was cut short as the door of the dot swung open once again, and Emma stood in it's frame. To make matters worse, Manny was close behind her and it was no secret that Ellie and Manny hated each other.

"Oh—Sean." Ellie began, trying to think of an excuse. "I'm going to have to get a coffee to go and well—go. I'm supposed to meet my mother." Okay, so this wasn't a complete lie, but Ellie knew very well she wouldn't be stopping by her mother's house for hours. Oh well.

Sean turned around, looking for the thing that could explain Ellie's change of mood, and he knew right away. As he faced her again, looking skeptically, she was already getting out of her seat. "We'll have to finish this another time then I guess."

"Okay, well—yeah." Ellie said heading for the bar where Spinner was. "Call me sometime when your free then." Ellie then was to far away from Sean for him to reply without shouting.

"Hey, again Spinner. Can you get me a vanilla latte to go? I'm kind of in a hurry." Ellie said quickly.

"Oh so now you want to talk to me." Spinner replied mockingly. "Just when it's convenient and you need a caffeine fix." For a guy who was supposed to be _all_ macho _all_ the time—he wasn't. In fact, he loved to be down right dramatic which was down right _irritating_ to anyone in a twenty foot radius.

"Please Spinner just get me a cup of coffee, okay?" She said desperately, in no mood for his disposition.

"Yeah—alright." He responded, looking as if he knew he won.

Two minutes seemed like twenty, which caused Ellie to rush Spinner more then ever—bless his soul. She can be extremely demanding. After getting her beverage, she rushed out and headed back to her, Paige and Marcos house.

* * *

**Well, that was chapter 5! Did you like it? Don't just answer that question in your head—review! Remember; when I receive good reviews, it makes me want to write more, and I've been on a roll so far so let's keep it going! **

**Here, once again are some awesome reviewers…**

**Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger and MAGRADY03! It means so much to me that you have commented on my work!**

**Just for fun, I thought I would have a quick trivia. Along with your review post the answer to this question if you know it: What band does the song 'The Hardest Part' (AKA: My story title) belong to? Don't be cheap and look it up on google. By the way, this is so not a scam to get more reviews--okay, maybe it is. Sew me :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello, lovelies. As promised, I posted this chapter. Anywho, this chapter is leading into some pretty dramatic stuff which will come up in chapter six. Drama is, once again, what Degrassi is all about, is it not?**

* * *

_Six-_

Once Ellie was away from the dot—away from the people she tries so desperately to avoid—and in the safety of her own house, she takes this time to finally sit down and relax, lukewarm latte at hand. At first she thought Spinner had given it to her that way, but just as she was tempted to run back and yell at him some more she realized she hadn't taken a sip of it until she was home, and it was moderately cold outside. She set the disgusting but caffeine enriched beverage on the coffee table in the living room, then began heading to her bedroom when Paige stopped her, coming out of the kitchen. Ellie reversed her steps and paced back to face her.

"What are you doing home so early?" Paige asked, moving her flaxen hair to one side of her relatively broad shoulders.

"Not all dates end in the back of someone's car Paigey—that's just _yours_." Ellie responded, trying her best to stare witheringly. Game, set, match. Point: Ellie. _'That'll teach you to pry.' _She thought to herself.

"I thought it wasn't a _date._" Paige replied skeptically and staring at her pestiferously. She was now evening the score since she caused Ellie severe hesitance.

Since Ellie found herself suddenly off-guard, when she tried to make a quick come-back she was a loss of words. She sighed and when she gathered up her speech she sustained, as always, with her vexatious derision. "Yes, you're right Paige. Pardon my _blunder_. We are as I said, just friends."

"You can say that time and time again but who are you kidding? The only person you're fooling is yourself.

Ellie smirked and remained to be sarcastic. "Oh my, Paige that was so deep. You are just so…emotive." Ellie laughed, but when Paige stared her down she continued to speak. "If you _must_ no, the dot got a little… _crowded_." She admitted sheepishly, recognizing defeat.

"Hmm—Emma?" Paige asked, her voice getting more pleasant now that there little squabble was at an end.

"Yep—and don't forget little Miss Manny." Ellie replied, smiling and putting on an amusing fake rupture full of cheerfulness. "God I hate her."

"Please, Hun. She's got _nothing_ on you." Paige hated Manny as well—ever since high school. If anyone could hold a grudge better then Ellie, it was none other then Paige Michalchuk. It a miracle her and Ellie ever became friends.

"Yeah well, it's beside the point. Anyways, I better get ready for my mothers. It's not like I'm going to put on a dress or anything but she sometimes get's annoyed by my "_grunginess", _I think is the word she used." And with that, she was up the stairs and headed for her bedroom.

After about ten minutes of Ellie skimming through some clothing in her closet, she finally made a decision. She pulled out a knee length, fairly plain skirt and a Carmen striped blouse with a belt over it, just above her waste. She then took out her hair band and let her red ringlets fall to her shoulders. After looking at the clock, and learning it was only five o'clock, she became uninterested in waiting. _'She won't mind if I come early. I'll just remember to call first.'_

As she hopped down the step with her cell phone at hand, she dialed her mother's number rapidly. It rang once—twice—three times…

"Hello?" She answered.

"Mom" Ellie said at once. "I was thinking about coming over a little early, you don't mind do you?"

"No of course not Eleanor, what time are you coming by?"

"I was thinking like—now." Ellie replied.

"Oh, well okay. That's fine."

* * *

When Ellie arrived at her mother's house she ran up the front door and was about to open it when—she hesitated. _'Do I knock?' _She asked herself. '_Technically this isn't my house anymore—do people usually knock when entering their former home?' _She had clearly not visited much since she moved out. She bit her lip and knocked regardless to her insecurities, just to be polite.

Her mother took a small while to get to the door, but when she did she had a look of confusion. "You don't have to knock, Elle." Ellie nodded and walked in. This was new information to her and she noted it. "You look lovely Eleanor. You're just so—grown up. You got out of that whole thick eyeliner and black fishnet stage, huh?"

Ellie smiled. Her mother was so much more pleasant when sober. "Yeah, I guess so." Her mother gestured for her to sit down and she obliged. "So, how have you been?"

"Good" The woman said hesitantly. "I mean—being out of rehab is good… work has been good, I've just been—"She took a long pause searching for words.

"Can I buy a vowel?" Ellie asked sarcastically. "Or possibly a synonym for the word _good_?"

Mrs. Nash chuckled lightly, then moved a strand of Ellie's hair behind her ear. "_Lonesome._" She said softly. "I've missed you a lot."

"Yeah I know—I've missed you too." Ellie replied, feeling a little guilty about not coming over more often. "Let's make this a regular thing okay? Saturday dinners?"

"I would love that. _So_ much, Elle." With that, Mrs. Nash took a seat on a chair across from Ellie. She smiled and her hands folded in her lap. The two enjoyed the silence for a while.

"So mom…It seems you've been doing pretty really well these days." Ellie said, cutting into the quiet. "You know—with not drinking? You just seem so happy. I'm actually surprised you've been let out of rehab this early. I'm—proud of you."

Mrs. Nash hesitated, her smile faltering as if she were searching for words. "It means so much that you would say so, Ellie. I've been trying—god knows I've been trying, and I have finally been able to keep it up. I just—was so disappointing to you before Ellie."

"You aren't anymore, and that's what counts. I'm sorry I haven't called as often as I should."

"It's okay Elle, I know you're busy."

"It's not a very good excuse though—I should have called. You're like a whole new person and I wish I could have gotten to know this new you a while ago."

"I didn't really give you very many reasons to trust me. But you can now."

"I know I can. Thank you so much mom." Ellie felt a single tear roll down her cheek, but quickly turned. She wiped it away, not exactly knowing where it came from and began to speak again. "Thanks for doing this for—well, for _us_."

* * *

**I'm aware that chapter was pretty short, but then next one is longer, honest. I've actually already written it, but I'm going to wait a little bit before I post it. In the meantime... Review! There are some pretty awesome people who got it right and there names are… ****Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, ****emo.kid1992**** and MAGRADY03! It means so much to me that you have commented on my work!**

**And also, kudos to ****emo.kid1992**** for being the first person to answer my trivia correctly, followed by ****MAGRADY03**** and ****XALLOWspuffyBuFf****.**

**1…2…3…4… Do you wanna' read some more?**

**5…6…7…8… Keep reviewing at a prompting rate!**

**Okay, I suck at rhyming. I do believe, however, that the effort was cute enough to earn a review, don't you? So please do so and I will be forever grateful…Well probably not **_**forever**_** grateful, because I'm thinking I wont look back on this when I'm sixty—but you know what I mean. The appreciativeness of it all will linger a while.**


	7. Chapter 7

**I usually post a new chapter of this story by night, but this time it took a couple days, A: Because I wasn't home for a while, and B: Because this chapter was somewhat challenging for me. I actually re-wrote the whole thing once after it didn't turn out the way I wanted. It's probab;y the longest one so far. Anywhoo, I hope you like it!**

* * *

_Seven-_

The next two weeks pasted as smoothly as ever, and Ellie quickly adjusted to a full-week routine. Her life was finally smoothing over, and she had everything under control at all times. Not only did she have no complex emotions about Sean or her mother to bother her, but she was kicking major ass at school.

Her Saturday routine with her mother actually stuck, and became more pleasant with each visit as the slight awkwardness dissolved to a minimal amount. It felt so different—even a little strange that she now held so much trust in those around her. She was so used to preparing herself for the worst, and now that she has been getting everything her way she fears the universe is playing some sort of sick April Fools joke on her in November.

Ellie was sitting on her bed looking through an old yearbook. She laughed to herself as she realized Paige was on almost every single Paige, usually with Spinner. Ellie suddenly realized something—every time she turned the page, Spinner had a new hair style. Spinner with spikes, Spinner with platinum blonde hair, Spinner with long curls, Spinner with half his head shaved, Spinner with spikes _again_, and Spinner with a shaved head. I guess since he had a Mohawk for such a short time, it didn't get captured on a camera. Shucks. _"This was one great hair epic."_ Ellie thought, giggling to herself. Yes that's right—giggling. She was in _that _great of a mood. This is usually about the time when everything goes to hell.

As Ellie turned the page again, a small picture in the top left corner caught her eye. It was a picture of Sean and Emma when they were young. It was simply the cutest thing she had every seen. Emma's hair was stick-straight and cut to shoulder length without a layer in sight, and her smile confirmed her braces. She just looked _so_ different. Sean however still had the non-expressive stare, but he was wearing a jean jacket he wouldn't be caught dead wearing nowadays. Ellie knew at least one thing was true, and that was Emma and Sean were tied to each others childhood, and that was something that could never be taken away. She has made peace with that fact.

Back to the present though, Ellie has spoken to Sean on various occasions. After the night she ran out on him, he called her and got her to explain everything. He knew there was much more to it then what she had lead on at the dot, but didn't push it then in the company of innocent pedestrians. They had become much closer friends—in fact, he even came over sometimes to watch some TV, thus forth getting better relationships with Paige and Marco as well.

Ellie tucked the yearbook in a small storage bin under her bed, and then exited her room. It was around four o'clock, so the sun was perfectly positioned in the sky. As she walked down the noisy steps that squeaked as she walked over each one into the living room, she spotted Marco lounging out on the couch. He sat up as she approached him, giving her some room to sit down and join him in watching some TV.

"What are you watching?" Ellie asked curiously.

"Something extremely amusing." Marco chuckled. "This guy is talking all about how he was abducted by aliens and how we're all doomed."

"Hmm—doomed?" She asked. "I just don't get it. Fist of all, those people are so _obviously_ insane, but for another thing how do we _know_ aliens coming to earth would be the worst thing? My guess is if they've went way beyond us in technology by making those awesome flying saucers as apposed to our totally lame rockets, they've probably gotten to world peace quicker then us too… or you know—universal peace?"

"I find it strange you sound like you've thought about this a lot."

"Marco, I give everything to much thought and I'm offended you don't know that about me yet."

They both laughed for a brief moment, until Marco started to speak again. "Have you written that paper for Professor Stevenson yet?"

She looked confused and waited a few seconds before answering. "No—but, when is that due anyway?"

"Umm—Monday?" he replied.

"_Monday?_ No way—don't lie to me Del Rossi."

"I'm not lying _Nash_, I'm serious. That paper is due on Monday."

"But that's—that's two days from now! I haven't even started, and it's two days from now?" She was practically yelling by now. "Oh my god—what am I going to do?"

"You can finish in two days; it's not that big of a deal."

"Try a half a day. I'm going to my mothers tonight."

"And tomorrow?" Marco asked.

"I'm doing an interview for the core."

"Yeah well, I'm sure your mother won't be too crushed about canceling just one Saturday." He replied. "I mean, it _is_ a pretty good reason."

"Yeah I guess…" Ellie said with a sigh. "I'll call her."

Ellie dialed her mothers number rapidly. Now that she was getting used to calling it more often again, she barely even needed to think when pushing the buttons. It rang twice before her mother picked up.

"Hello?" She called out.

"Hi, Mom."

"Eleanor?"

"Yeah it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I can't make it tonight. I'm really sorry, but I have to write an English paper by Monday, and I completely forgot."

"Oh—oh, well that's okay I understand."

"Are you sure? Because I am really sorry." As Ellie replied, her voice was filled with nothing but complete sincerity.

"Yes I'm sure. You're schoolwork is important. I'll just see you next Saturday."

"Yes—count on it."

* * *

Ellie spent all day working on her paper. The research was taking the longest, but once she was finished with that she even got a start on writing it. She was cramming what should have taken a full day in only a few hours, and she has never worked so hard in her life. The paper was surprisingly easy, so at about seven thirty, she was shocked to see how much work she had accomplished in such little time. She realized that if she went right back to work when she came back, she would have enough time to pay her mom a short visit.

She closed her laptop, and then got out of bed, stretching out her limbs. Just as she began reaching for the cordless phone, a thought crossed her mind. _"I should just surprise her. It would make her so happy to know that I'm coming anyway."_

With a smile on her face, Ellie grabbed her jacket and hopped down the stairs. She said her short goodbye to Marco, and then headed out.

She fumbled with her keys for a little while, but then eventually unlocked her vehicle and sat comfortably in the car seat. As she checked her rearview mirror, she realized that she was once again smiling. She had been doing that so much lately, and she was finally getting used to it. She liked the new Ellie. Everything had been so easy, and she could now _count on those who loved her, _as her and Sean discussed earlier was a hard thing to do. Sure they were intoxicated at the time, but it still made perfect sense. The reason why she wanted to go see her mother so badly was to prove that she could be counted on too.

The drive was a short one, but it still felt very long, mixing with her anticipation. She was about to knock again, but then remembered that she didn't have to. She walked into her mother's living room, but didn't see anyone at first. She saw her mother's car, so she knew that she was there somewhere and it was barely eight so she wouldn't be sleeping either. Ellie soon heard something glass break from the kitchen, followed by a muffled curse. She followed the sound to the kitchen, and that's when her whole world went crashing down, once again.

Her mom was sitting at the table, nearly passed out and the sound she heard earlier was a vodka bottle being dropped on the floor. Ellie didn't cry, or feel sad. Not this time. She was practically shaking with nothing but _anger._

"So this is how it is when I'm not around, huh?" Ellie asked, clenching her jaw.

Mrs. Nash raised her head groggily, then slurred out, "Ellie? What on _earth_ are you doing here?" It seems the politeness has been washed away from her mouth with the booze.

"I wanted to surprise you, but it seems I'm the one who got to be surprised." She replied with a hint of venom. "So what? You just stay sober for the days I come over, and play the mother-of-the-year card?"

"Eleanor, if you just could understand how hard it is for me. I don't even know why you're this upset since I stay clean for when you come over. You don't even have to see me like this."

"How could you say that?" She spat back historically. "You just—you can't have both, okay? You don't get to keep on drinking _and_ have me in your life! That's just not how it is! And don't even _think_ about telling me how hard it is. I could care less. You're just _pathetic_."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that again Eleanor, or I'll—"

"You'll what?" Ellie interrupted. "You can barely even move!" With that she began to exit the kitchen when her mother called back at her.

"Ellie! Get back here!"

"No, _mother_." She said sarcastically. "We're done._"_

* * *

**I'm sorry, but life for Ellie can't be _all _fluffy _all_ the time. I had to mix a bit of drama in there and leave you on a bit of a cliff hanger. Just be sure to review if you want to see what happens next!**

**A great big heap of thanks to ****Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, ****sparkle587****and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely!**

**I just wanted to say thanks to all the people who have been reading since I started this story! And the people who have been posting reviews to almost every chapter. You guys are friggin' **_**awesome! **_


	8. Chapter 8

**This was another difficult chapter for me to write, but even more so. Chapter eight has the biggest cliff-hanger so far, but I won't elaborate. This one turned out pretty well, but in order for me to have a real opinion, I need reviews! That make me feel secure about my work, so don't forget.**

* * *

_Eight:_

As Ellie stormed back into her house after the drive home, she saw that Sean was sitting on her couch in the living room, watching some television with Marco. She had absolutely no intention of talking to either one of them as she ran up the stairs. She hoped that they would understand and not follow.

Ellie could think of nothing but cold betrayal. It felt as if someone cut out her heart and replaced it with anger. The angst in her was released through her skin and spread Goosebumps across her flesh. The pain was always there—just waiting. Waiting for someone in her life to screw everything up. She had been stupid and vulnerable for it to happen though, and that is why she blamed herself. She knew that her insecurities about letting others in had to mean something—and now she was just realizing what.

She was surprised that she wasn't—surprised. Deep down she knew something like this would happen eventually, and that it was just a matter of time. She could trust no one. Probably not even herself. She knew this now. She was always setting herself up to get knocked down.

She wondered why she let her mother become such a big part of her life once again. She knew part of it was because as much as she tried to overlook it, she wanted a normal life. Not this messed up one that she was forced to portray.

The image of her mom back at the house flashed through her mind, and the conversation they had replayed in her head. How did she not see this coming? How did she not think to prepare? Since similar things in the same genre have happened to her in the past she should have been _prepared. _

Ellie looked around the house, and then finally spotted the cordless phone resting on her nightstand. She dialed a very short number.

"Hello.—Can I get the number for the Hamilton Facility in Ontario?" As she receives a number from the other line, she hastily scribbles it down on a piece of notebook paper. "Great." She hung up the phone; only to dial the number she had written down and put the phone to her ear once again.

"Hamilton Facility of rehabilitation, how may I help you?" The woman's voice on the other end was maddeningly cheerful.

"Hello." Ellie tried her best to sound pleasant as well. "I was just needing to know the date in which a woman had left the facility. She should be under the last name _Nash."_

The woman didn't speak for a short while. "Yes—Mrs. Nash _is_ in out records. It looks like she checked herself out on—October 28th."

Ellie didn't say goodbye before she hung up the phone, and threw it across the room. _"How could she do that? I gave her that money so she could get better and she just checked herself out!" _Ellie was even more upset now.

There was a soft knock out the door, causing Ellie to utter "Go away."

"Ellie—are you okay?" It was Sean's voice. "I thought I heard something." Something being the phone being thrown across the room, of course.

"I'm fine." She was very annoyed now.

"You don't sound fine." He replied stubbornly.

"_Please _leave me alone?" As she asked this, she tried to sound nicer, so maybe he would just give her the space she needed.

"Just tell me what's going on okay?" Guess not.

Ellie was very irritated in Sean's persistence and aprehended he wouldn't be giving up any time soon. She then realized that she had some things she wanted to tell him anyway, so she opened the door. He walked in, surprised by the fact that she had let him in her room in the first place.

"Thanks." He muttered, now facing her. "Now what's got you so upset?"

"Oh you know—the usual. Dealing with things way beyond my maturity level." She said pretending to be casual. "I was just at my mother's house."

"So? I thought she was staying sober again." As her face dropped he realized what had happened.

"Not anymore. I don't know who I was kidding though. Nothing remains happy. Not for me anyway. I should just get used to it."

"Don't talk like that. Don't act as if you're—"

"Giving up?" Ellie interrupted. "That's _exactly _what I'm doing. Always being let down by those we thought loved us, aren't we Sean? Well I for one am not going to let it happen again. That's why we can't keep hanging out."

"What are you talking about?" He asked in confusion.

"I'm talking about us. As much as we tried to tell ourselves otherwise we _can't _be friends. It just can't happen for us. There's too much history, and I can't be let down again. I _refuse_ to be let down again."

"Ellie—"

"No." She interrupted once more. "Don't tell me you'll never hurt me because you will. It's not your fault though, because everybody does. Let's just end this before it actually turns into something okay?"

"Ellie you're just upset. You're confused about your mom."

"The last thing I _am_ is confused. If you haven't caught on yet, I am in fact dead serious. You may think I'm being a coward and your right—and I don't care. I know you wouldn't do this if you were in my situation but that's what makes us different doesn't it? Poor little Seany has a tragic life but he's been so brave. I'm not like you. That's why you have to leave now."

"Forget about it Ellie." Sean said sternly. "I know this isn't you."

"Actually this is me, finally showing through. I am my mother's daughter aren't I? Her blood runs through my veins, and I may as well not fight it anymore because I'm growing more and more like her all the time, and one day I'll turn around and be _exactly_ like her. You can't fight science Sean—you can't fight _genetics."_

Sean wanted to protest some more, but he knew it would get him nowhere. He wanted to tell her that he would never leave. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but instead shook his head and headed out the door. He did not plan on letting her go, but felt her mind was clouded for the night with thoughts of her mother so he left her alone—just for the meantime.

Ellie felt a surge of relief after he had gone. After he left, she cried softly in her hands. She knew she had to be cruel to make him leave, but she hated that she had to hurt him like that. She felt as if it would be better for both of them if he walked out that door, but she had to make it stick. He had to make sure that when she cut him out of her life, he wouldn't claw himself back in. Not this time.

* * *

A few hours had passed and soon Ellie was the only one in the house who was still awake. She practically frustrated herself to tears when she _tried_ to sleep but it was no use. She had never been so tired in her entire life, but the guilt had kept her up at night. She was now sitting at the kitchen table, with a bottle of vodka at hand.

She was in a trance like state before she started drinking. She was tired and felt like she was going crazy with grief…guilt…and anger. All she could think about was how much she felt her mother inside her, finally reaching to the surface. All she could do was wonder _why_ her mother drinks. She decided to test it out.

In all fairness, she knew she wasn't acting rationaly. She tried to clear her exhausted brain and cure her drained heart, but she wasn't in her right mind. So—she drank.

She was surprised by the effect it had on her. It wasn't as if she were happy exactly—more _content._ Like every time she started feeling something other then that contentment, her intellect couldn't hold onto it. A single thought kept rushing back to her mind over and over again. _"She should know she can't affect me anymore."_

Before Ellie realized what she was doing, she was heading out the door. She was mumbling to herself things of the same pretense, and was determined to tell her mother off. She jumbled with her keys again, this time dropping them on the ground. She grabbed at the ground for a long while before finally locating them again.

Once she was in her car, she turned on the stereo and was off. As she drove, she felt as though a street in which she remembered very clearly to be dead-straight was curved at every potential mark. She giggled a little about how bright everything was. Especially the stoplight. As she began to near it, all the colors seemed to blend together and before she could realize what she should do another car smashed into her from the right hand side. The last thing she remembered of that night was a big flash. A bright light.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN! **_**(music for dramatic effect).**_

**Now you simply must review if you wish to see what happens next. I'm cruel, aren't I? Now it's time for you to make a deal with the devil. I'm holding a secret ransom (this is an idea I have gained from another member), and I will post the next chapter when said ransom is met. Now, you see, I have you trapped. **

**A great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, sparkle587, Chelsey and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely!**


	9. Chapter 9

**My ransom has been met! Congratulations reviews! As a special gift from me to you as promised, you will receive chapter nine! Hooray! It is a fine prize however, because this is a good chapter. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

_Nine:_

"_Am I dead?" _was all Ellie could think. Her eyes were closed, this much she was sure of. She felt as though her eyelids were too heavy to crack open. Along with this came the feeling of fear. Fear for what she might see if she did open her eyes. She begins to attempt to remember what had happened, but it all felt so fuzzy and far away. As if it were someone else entirely.

"_I drove drunk" _she thought to herself. _"Why did I do that? How could I've been so stupid? And hypocritical?" _Ellie tried to remember more, but she then wished she hadn't. It all came rushing back in one quick and devastating sweep. She remembered the fight with her mother—finding out her mother checked herself out of rehab—the fight with Sean—getting wasted—and finally getting in the car. She remembered the flash of light, but only assumed she saw it because she was dead. _"_Am_ I dead?" _she asked herself once more. _"Am I just dreaming?"_

Ellie then became very upset. She wondered why she couldn't open her eyes. She then realized that she was holding back. Part of her was afraid not only what she would see when they were open, but _who_ she would see. As she started thinking about all her friends who were probably worried about her, she used all her will power and slowly began to squint her eyes open.

At first all she could see was a blur and she began to fear she had gone blind. She quickly began to blink, until moisture rolled down her cheeks and her vision slowly cleared. Small things in the room that contained her were slowly taking form. It was bright. She knew this much so far. It was obvious that her eyes were pried shut for quite a while because they were all puffy and pained by the light coming in through a nearby window. She could finally tell that there _was_ a window.

As Ellie looked around—she was alone. She heard nothing but some irritating beeping coming from a machine to her right, near her head—and there for her ears as well. As she looked around even more so she slowly came to realize she was in a hospital room. Why was she in a hospital room all alone? She was about to sit up, when she felt something tugging her back down. As she looked for what had caused this, she found that she was hooked up to both a heart monitor and some other machines she didn't recognize.

She went to a panic state. What am I doing here? What are all these machines I'm connected to? Why isn't anyone with me? Questions were racing through her head rapidly and she knew this was the scariest experience she has ever had to endure.

Meanwhile, outside Ellie's hospital room and in the waiting room lingered Marco, Paige and Sean. They all looked both confused and anxious. Anxious for answers that they have been obviously deprived of. Paige and Marco were sitting down in the chairs, and Sean stood leaning against a wall.

Paige rested her head on Marco's shoulder, and she looked as if she had just been crying. She didn't only look worried, but down right terrified.

Marco on the other hand, looked detached. He seemed as though he still didn't know what was going on, there for he could feel nothing. He was empty. Hollow.

Unlike the others, Sean looked mostly angry. That's one thing he had in common with Ellie. In stressful times, came rage. He couldn't even sit down with the others because of his restlessness to get some information. It was silent. Anything anybody could say would sound as if she were already gone.

A few minutes later, a doctor came into their presence. As he entered the room, all heads shot up at him giving immediate and undivided attention. Marco put a hand on Paige's shoulder comfortingly, and then stood to face the doctor hesitantly.

"Are you friends of Ms. Nash?" He asked.

"I'm actually her brother." Marco said, knowing that was the only sure way to get some information. He knew that most of the time, news about the patients was only given to family members.

The doctor looked at him suspiciously, but ignored his doubts and continued to speak. "Ellie was as you know, in a car accident. She suffered major injuries near her abdominal, and also had a concussion. She has been having some internal bleeding, in which we have been able to stabilize—"

Everyone sighed in relief, but refocused as the doctor made a face of deep sorrow.

"Which we have been able to stabilize for the meantime." He said softly. "But it's getting worse, and at this rate we can't predict what will happen. We need you to know that were doing everything we can, but we might not be able to keep the bleeding under control."

Everybody's face suddenly dropped. Paige started crying again, Marco held his blank stare, and Sean paced around as if looking for something to kick across the room.

"I know this must be very hard for you all, but I have to tell you one more thing. As I said before, areas near and around her stomach were punctured and—I'm sorry but it seems Ellie has lost her child."

Eyes began to widen and Sean immediately rushed towards him. "Her what?" He questioned.

"You—you didn't know?" The doctor asked.

"Hell _no_ we didn't _know_!" Sean was now raising his voice.

"And Ellie—"

"She didn't know either." Marco said sternly. "I know for a fact that she didn't, because otherwise I _know_ she wouldn't—wouldn't—"

"It's okay." The doctor said almost too calmingly. "She wasn't that far along, so it happens quite frequently."

Sean stared the man down as though he were sickened by his choice of words. "It's okay?" he asked angrily. "Really? Because I came to the conclusion that everything you've been telling us, is pretty much the _opposite_ of okay_!_"

Marco turned his expressionless face over to Sean, and faced him straight-on. "Sean. Don't, okay?" He looked over to see that Paige's crying hadn't stopped and that Sean was making it worse.

Sean looked apologetic at Marco before speaking again, this time much calmer and under control. "When can we see her?" He asked.

"She has just woken up recently, and has just been given the news herself. I haven't seen her yet so I suppose it depends on how she's taking it. When _she_ is ready, I will allow visitation."

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN! ****(Once again; music for dramatic effect).**

**I want to start out by saying I'm sorry. I'm so so so so sorry! I know you all probably hate me by now, but if you review, you get to see the next chapter! That's good, right? Don't hate me!**

**I'm holding another secret ransom, and I will post the next chapter when said ransom is met. Now, you see, I have you trapped. (once again)**

**A great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely!**

**Once again, please don't hate me!**


	10. Chapter 10

**You guys are just too friggin' awesome. (As I've said many times before to most of you) I love that you have been following along this long and have made it to this point. Obviously, once again, I have received enough reviews to continue. This chapter is what a lot of you have been asking for, so please please enjoy it.**

* * *

_Ten:_

Three hours had passed, and it became very late. As Ellie's friends waited for something to happen, they quickly came to realize there wasn't another soul in plain sight and the room had become maddeningly silent. It felt as though the world was still, and nobody had the slightest intention of reawakening it.

Everyone was afraid to speak. Their fear took them whole and revealed them to be hollow—or empty. They felt as though they had to pick their word choice carefully in anything they tried to say, like they were avoiding mines that were spread all over that god forsaken hospital floor.

A middle-aged nurse entered the room. She had an up-do of almost unnaturally red hair—obviously dyed because of her brown roots--and had long plastic French manicure tips on each finger. She pulled a pencil out from behind her ear and then used it to follow along to a piece of paper that was fastened to her clipboard. "Is anyone here for, Ellie Nash?" She woman called out with a wispy and wearisome voice.

Paige looked around at the others then answered shakily. "That's us. Can we see her now?"

The nurse nodded, but continued. "I have just been asked to tell you that she is still very tired, and after everything that has happened, we ask that there is only one or possibly two people at a time. Understood?"

As Marco was getting up to see her first, he saw that Sean was already through the swinging door. He understood why he needed to see her, so he just took his seat, and let Paige rest her head on his shoulder once again.

Sean had only realized what he was doing when he was already down the hallway and nearing her door. He was going to see Ellie. As he grasped this, all he could think about was how unprepared he was. What if she looked horrible? Could he handle it? Could he contain _both_ his fear _and_ his anger?

As he placed his hand on the door knob, a little shock went through his fingertips, and he could determine whether or not he had imagined it. Sean just shook it off, turned the handle, and revealed the other side of the doorframe.

Ellie was laying there, her head facing the opposite direction as him looking out the window as if she didn't acknowledge his presence. As he looked around, he took in the décor of the room. The walls at first appeared to be white, but they were in fact a pale yellow. Sean never understood why that color was supposed to be calming. Still—he had to admit it was better then staring at a Pepto-Bismol shade all day. The room was lightly decorated, with one small houseplant in the corner of the room and a single painting.

Sean grabbed a chair that was in the opposite corner of the room as the flourish, and set it right next to Ellie's bedside. It wasn't until he rested his hands on the bed, did she turn around. She was very flushed and he could tell that she had been crying from her red nose and squinted eyes.

Sean suddenly found himself unable to speak. The fact that she was hooked up to as many other machines as a television, wasn't exactly helping either. He looked deep in her eyes and just couldn't possibley get over how innocent the girl looked. Sean shook his head sadly, then just rested his head over his arms on her lap. He had to blink back tears, but he was just happy Ellie couldn't see his face. That Ellie couldn't see what a mess became of him.

She sniffled as well, and then let a gentle hand run through his hair. She felt as though she were causing pain not only to herself, but to everyone around her. It was overwhelming, unbarable, and almost sickening. The two remained silent for quite a while, just calming each other in the others presence.

Ellie had taken in a deep breath once she felt up to speaking. "I'm—ah" She was having great difficulty speaking without starting to cry again. "I'm really sorry Sean, for um— for everything."

He looked up at her to face her once again. "About the fight we had?" He asked. "Don't be sorry for that. I knew you were—you were pretty upset. I'm just—I'm sorry I left. If I just stayed with you none of this would have—"

"No." Ellie said sternly. "First off, I was practically shoving you out the door. I can be very assertive if you haven't noticed. Secondly I _will not_ tolerate anybody blaming themselves for the mistake _I_ made. If it turns out I'm gunna' die, I don't want that to be the last thing I'll be hearing, okay?"

Sean shook his head angrily. "Don't talk like that! You're not going to die! I won't _let_ you die."

"Well that's convincing." She said sarcastically, holding a smile.

He was surprised by this, but didn't elaborate on it. He simply smiled weakly in return and grasped her hand. "Ellie—our child." He was cut off by Ellie's sniffling, and combed his fingers through her hair, tucking it behind her ear. "I'm sorry, it's just—"

"Kind of shocking?" Ellie interrupted. "I know the feeling." They were silent for a long time, both building up the courage to say something more. "Am I a bad person?"

Sean looked at her in shock. "Ellie—no. Of course your not a bad person. What on earth would make you think so?"

"Because. The doctors told me I was pregnant for _one and a half months_. Most mothers have that maternal instinct and are just supposed to _know_, you know?" Tears were forming in her eyes again and she could barely speak with the lamp in her throat. "I got _nothing_. No sixth sense, no maternal instinct, no—whatever you want to call it. And if you think about it, that's part of the reason I'm in this mess. If I had known, I never would have drunk. I never would be in this hospital and never would have _killed_ our baby."

"You didn't kill anything. The doctor said that this happens all the time. It doesn't mean you would have been a bad mother. I know you wouldn't have been a bad mother. It is impossible for me to see this any other way. You are a _damn_ amazing woman and you could never have seen this coming. That blaming thing goes both ways you know." His speech was both stern and believable.

Ellie wiped away her tears that were making her hair stick to her face and pulled Sean into a comforting embrace.

"Everything is going to be alright. You're going to be fine." Sean mumbled with the lump forming in his throat. "I _promise."_

* * *

**I have to say, I had no idea this story would be so long. At first I thought it was only going to be like four chapters plus an epilogue, but I don't know what happened. I just kept on writing and writing and it became kind of long. I still have quite a bit of story left too, if I'm not mistaken. **

**Just for fun (This is usually how the pitch for some scam to get reviews it started, just to warn you), I have been trying to think of one more Coldplay reference I could put in my story, but I'm not sure what yet. Anyways, remember this because if you remember and catch the reference, let me know in your review. It may be in the next chapter, the chapter after that or who knows. Just remember!**

**I want to say once again, don't hate me for making this story depressing! It has its peaks, this I promise you. **

**You know the drill. I'm holding another secret ransom, and I will post the next chapter when said ransom is met. Now, you see, I have you trapped. (once again, again)**

**A great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie, ****fiercebiatch****and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hey everyone! I'm so, so, so, so, so incredibly sorry it took some long to update. I'm the essence of vexation, I know. My sister got married yesterday! I've been really busy doing bridesmaidy stuff, so I didn't get a chance to write. As an apology for getting this chapter up so late, I'm going to update the next chapter sometime tomorrow. I promise! **

**Anyways, I like this chapter, so I hope all of you like it too. As always, read and review and I will try to get back to everyone. I love you all so very, very much for reading along with me even with this large gap in time. You rock, so, so hard.**

* * *

_Eleven:_

Ellie lay motionless in her hospital bed, enjoying some quite and alone time before Marco and Paige would come in. Nothing was making sense to her, as if everything that was happening was actually happening to someone else; A complete stranger. She was hearing bad news after bad news more quickly then normal, so she feels like she can't even get a chance to take a breath. She wished more then anything that she could find out what was to happen to her. Even if it was bad news, she _had_ to know. She hated being left in the dark, especially with things that were _about_ _her. _Nobody seems to get that.

Just as Ellie began to think even more morbidly, the door swung opened to reveal her best friends Marco and Paige. It annoyed Ellie that they were trying much too hard to look cheerful. It was plain as day obvious that they weren't. Paige's eyes were so dark, it looked as if someone tried to push them farther into her head, and Marco had the most unconvincing smile Ellie had ever seen. She felt it almost to be pathetic, and she would have told them exactly that if she didn't have a conscience.

Ellie just shook her head, then took Marcos outstretched hand and entwined his fingers with hers. "It's okay—you guys don't have to act like the sunshine twins. It's actually kind of nauseating honestly."

Paige then put on a sarcastic serious face just to amuse her. "This better Eleanor?" She teased in a stuffy sounding voice. "So—how is the weather?"

"Quite splendid actually." Ellie mimicked the voice quite accurately, causing everyone laughter.

As Paige stood, her stature looked awkward. As she looked around it looked as if something was missing, and her body had no language left within it, like she didn't know what to do with it. She needed to be either saying or doing something to keep her mind off crying. Ellie noticed this, and deeply didn't want any tears, in fear of joining in. Ellie lifted her blanket on her bed and spoke softly. "Get in here, Michalchuk."

Paige obliged, laying next to her but with her back still in a sitting position against the wall. Marco joined them by sitting at the foot of the bed. He then began to speak for the first time. "I feel obligated to tell you this. We're not gong to share you with anyone. We're going to force you to hang out with us this entire time, got it Nash?"

"Got it Del Rossi" She replied.

"Yep, anyone wanting to see you will just have to do it with us here because we're not leaving you sight." Paige added.

The room went quite as they all smiled to themselves. One thing that Ellie knew was that she would always have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. She knew that they would never leave her no matter what happened, and that they were the only people she could turn to when she was in need, or just spill her guts to when she felt it necessary. They never judged her, they never asked questions when it was important not too. When they knew she wouldn't allow it.

"So—" Ellie spoke again, her voice slightly coarse. "Is my mom here?"

Marco was silently staring at her for a long while before gathering up his speech. He wasn't exactly sure how to say it because he felt he needed to choose his words carefully around her. "She was currently—unavailable." He said quite plainly. Ellie knew what this meant. She knew that her mother was just drunk.

"Right—unavailable." Ellie echoed. "Well when she is—available, will you guys tell her I really need to see her? To talk to her?"

"Of course, Hun." Paige responded, combing her fingers through Ellie's thick, fiery hair. It waves at the moment were almost enchanting and probably the only thing appealing about Ellie's appearance at the moment. Paige then gave Ellie a light kiss on the forehead, before continuing to comb through her hair. It was strange, but Ellie felt this to be extremely comforting. Like since her mother was never a comfort to her she had one woman in her life, her best friend, which was.

Marco then began digging in his rather tight pocket for something, mumbling to himself. He then pulled out a deck of cards and set the on the bed. "I thought we might get bored, and could play some cards."

Ellie chuckled lightly and took the cards into her hand. "Alright, what do you want to play?"

"How about poker?" Marco asked, raising an eyebrow.

Paige sighed and took the cards into her own hands. "No—not poker. I'm terrible at poker, and you know that Marco."

Ellie laughed. "Yeah Marco, and aren't you a recovering addict? We wouldn't want you to get into old habits again, would we?"

Marco then snatched the cards into his own hands once again at being ragged on. "It's not like I wanted to put any money on it. I just thought it would be fun. Oh well—speed again?" He asked shaking the cards in the box.

"Deal em' Del Rossi." Ellie said, doing her loan shark impression. A deep wispy voice that made them all laugh.

* * *

About an hour and a half later, they were all still playing cards, but starting to get pretty tired of it. Paige was now in a full laying position like Ellie, and getting really tired.

"Well—that's three games, time to change the game again." Marco said, the most awake out of all of them.

"We've already play speed, poker, black jack, hearts, bridge, rummy, spades, o fish and Old Maid. What other card games are there?" Ellie asked. "And besides, my eyes are still really soar."

Paige through her hand of nothing cards on the bed. "Yeah, I say—cards are out. I think we should—"

She was then interrupted by a small moan of pain Ellie let slip out as she held her hands over her face. Paige was about to ask if she was alright, when she saw small droplets of blood hit the bed sheets. "El—Hun, is your nose bleeding?"

Ellie lift her head let her hands drop from her face. Small tears of blood were coming out from her eyes. Ellie was shaking and her breath quickened as she yelled in a strong, but croaky voice. "My—my eyes! I c-c-can't _see_ anything!"

* * *

**Oh no! What could this be all about? You'll have to review to find out. Only time (and reviews of course) will tell. It would be extremely kind and motivating so I can post the next chapter. As promised I will have the new chapter up tomorrow, so I won't be holding any secret ransoms, I still hope that you all review! It's encouraging!**

**Once again, ****a great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie, fiercebiatch,**** iLoveyou**** and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely and so are you!**


	12. Chapter 12

**As promised, I'm posting this new chapter now since I've been taking forever to update recently due to my sister getting married. I would have posted it earlier today, but I honestly write better at night. I know I've said this before, but I'm just so surprised by how long this story has become. It was only supposed to be like somewhere between four chapters long. The only thing I knew when I started writing this story was the beginning and end, but now I added all this middle stuff that I didn't even think of before. Anyways, I'm guessing there will be somewhere between 2-4 chapters left, but who knows since I've been unable to predict this story from the beginning. Anyways, now that this story is slowly winding down, I realized how much I'm going to miss it, so I'm going to make a One-Shot sequel after the last chapter is posted. If you're interested, please let me know! I also wanted to tell everyone that I'm now accepting beta requests, so if any of you readers are thinking you might want some beta help you should check out what stories I accept them for. Thanks for reading, everyone! I know I talk a lot before and after I actually start the chapter… But that's just part of my charm, right?**

* * *

_Twelve:_

Everyone, once again, was waiting. The only difference was now Sean, Marco and Paige were joined by Spinner and Griffin. It was strange how everyone had a different way of expressing their grief. The victims can be quiet, anxious, angry, hysterical or anything that seems expedient to them on how to articulate their sentiment. It was one of the key ways that showed that they were diverse and exclusive from one another, no matter how much they may have in common with one another. It makes no disparity because inside they will always be unusual. Anything other then who they are and how they act in response is foreign to them.

**Sean POV:**

What in the fucking hell can be taking so long? We've been waiting here for hours. I don't like this. Last time they took this long it was because of bad news. You wouldn't think an eye problem would be taking this long. Why would it be taking this long? Everything I know about medical care in ink would look like a fucking _'I can read'_ book. What is taking the doctors so long!?

I don't what I would do it—no. I'm not even going to think it because it's not going to happen. Ellie's probably the strongest person I know and she's going to be fine. In fact, I don't even care what the doctors say, because even if it is bad news, this girl deserves a miracle. God damn it, I deserve a miracle. I finally have Ellie back in my life again and I'm not going to give her up. I'm not ready to give her up yet. The world is just so fucked up for doing this to her. Why would anything like this happen to her?

She always been taking crap from her mom, her friends—_me_. She's never even done anything to deserve the hell she's been through over the years! I've _never_ been one to rely on faith, but this is it. If anything happens to Ellie, I'm done. Everyone and everything can just burn in hell. There is nothing but what you're seeing in front of your eyes. There is no god, there is no higher being, no faith, there is just life and death. We're all just shells one strings like puppets. Shit happens.

**Marco's POV:**

God, this is taking forever. I wish they would stop taking so long—it's making me worry that this is really serious. Oh god—her face. Those bloody tears won't leave my mind. Will she ever be able to see again? I thought her whole problem was about internal bleeding or whatever. And that was near her stomach, wasn't it? So what the hell is happening now? Is this just something entirely different that they looked right over? I can't feel anything. I'm too much of a loss with these pointless questions that won't be answered any time soon—meaning until the doctors finally decide to come out. Why are they taking so long? Can't they just send someone out to give us a little idea of what is going on?

Oh god—Mrs. Nash should really be here. I know she was shit-faced before and couldn't come without upsetting Ellie further, but she's probably sober by now. I want her to get here—for Ellie's sack, but I don't want to be the one to get her. I need to stay here and find out what's _happening. _It sounds selfish, and I don't even care. I've been there for Ellie more then her mother has ever been. Still—she should probably know what's going on. Yet here I sit. I'm not budging until I speak to a doctor. I suppose that's okay since I wouldn't even know what to tell Mrs. Nash in the first place. Yeah—it's better this way. She's the lucky one after all, not having to wait here in the sickening suspense.

**Paige's POV:**

Dear _god_ this is taking forever. Isn't this just about her eyes, or whatever? Still it was pretty scary; her looking like an extra on a zombie flick and all. But still, something with her eyes should be this serious—like life or death serious anyway. God I don't know why I keep crying, it's probably nothing. I've never seen anything like what I saw today. Go d I hope she'll be alright. I hope she won't go blind. Oh god—Ellie. I honestly don't know what I would do if she is going to be blind. Sheesh, why do I keep crying? I can't control it. I don't know why the tears haven't stopped in hours when I don't even know what's going on.

I don't know what is going on and it's all the doctors' fault. Why can he just give us a clue on what's happening to my best friend? I mean, Ellie hasn't always got me like Hazel or Alex or even Marco, but I can always trust her. She's my complete opposite, but I actually find that kind of—refreshing. I'm sick of always hanging out with people like me. Everyone I spent time with in most of high school were just little followers. Sheep. Degrassi and all who have ever attended are cursed. I mean honestly, I've had to go through all this hospital stuff with First Terri, then JT, now Ellie? The school is cursed. And just to prove my point, how many schools out there have had a shooting before? I can honestly say my high school has, and that's not something most people have to live through.

**Spinners POV:**

I've only just gotten here, but everyone one else look like they've been here for hours—all expect for Griffin, he got here after me. I feel really bad for Paige, but like I've tried to tell her, I honestly think it's not going to end up being that serious. I mean, I know what her and Marco saw really freaked them out, but she'll be alright. She has to be alright. I've never really heard about anything like this, so I can't say for sure I know what will happen, which is probably why my words have made no comfort towards Paige. Sean just looks like he's about to kick some ass. Which is worse is Marco. I honestly think he feels worse then anybody else, just by how expressionless he looks. He hasn't said a word to me or anybody else since I got here. I can understand that though, because he is after all Ellie's best friend. I never really understood why he hung out with her so much in high school but now it's quite apparent. Before she was just a quiet little Goth girl, but now I know more about her and she's become of my good friends. She's got awesome taste in music, being my replacement in downtown Sasquatch and all, she's talented, down-to-earth and a bit brutally honest—but in an appealing way. Like you never have to wonder what something _really_ thinking about you.

I just wish someone would get their ass out here and prove to both Marco and Paige that Ellie is going to be just fine. She's what, nineteen—twenty? This like this don't happen to people our age. Or at least they shouldn't. It's not logical. I just can wait for the doctors to get out here and tell everyone that she's going to be alright since they won't take my word for it. They'll all see soon enough.

**Griffin's POV:**

I've only been here for like, ten minutes but everyone else just looks like death. I don't really know what it couple be—serious or not. You usually don't here to many cases of a fatal eye disease, so she'll probably be okay. It all started with a car crash, then internal bleeding, but how could that be related? How can a car crash cause bleeding from the eye? It doesn't seem to add up, unless the car crash didn't even have anything to do with what was happening now, and she was just a ticking time bomb. By the description Paige told me—or sobbed to me, rather it sounds pretty likely that she might go blind.

I don't exactly know Ellie all that well, but for what I do know, I like. I've always gotten along with her, because we're never really in each others way. Marco always has to be the peacemaker of the household for Ellie and Paige, but I just try not to get involved. I still think she's mad at me for not telling Paige I had HIV, but I know she just wants to protect her friend. She's always seemed to be like that. Faithful—loyal to those in which she loves. The doctors are really taking their sweet time now aren't they? I mean, couldn't they speed things up a little? Paige told me that they've been waiting here for hours, and Sean looks pretty much ready to punch someone in the jaw. That's probably why nobody's talking to them. They don't want to get of his bad side.

**-End**

It's been hours, and they still knew nothing. The damn doctors were doing exactly the same thing as before. Everyone always blames the doctors because it's easy, and it's convenient. You know the blame is faultless when everyone is pointing there fingers at the people whom have the patients life on their hands. The people who already have blood on they're hands. Everyone always blames the doctors. They are always the closet people to reach and will always be the most suitable. The hatred and inconsideration burned through all of them—it was their only constant. They quite bluntly did not know what to feel, because anything they tried out seemed incongruous. It was worse, because they couldn't let go yet and didn't know whether or not their friend would live or die. It was _much_ worse this way.

The same doctor who had operated on her earlier came out, the elastic on his facemask dangling around his arm. All of the faces in the waiting room suddenly turned their attention to the man who looked unmistakably sorrow. Instead of Marco stood out of his chair, but Sean was already in front of the doctor.

"What's going on?" He asked. "Is Ellie going to be alright?"

Everyone was so silent that if a pin were to drop, it would echo the room unmistakably. The man scratched his head, and then dropped his hand at his side. "Ellie, as we know, has been suffering from internal bleeding in the abdominal, but now we are seeing it in the eye as well. It isn't really that common, but it can still happen. Her blindness is reversible, and can be fixed by some minor laser eye surgery. We have, regrettably, found another problem, however. A lot of times, when a woman is with child when getting abdominal internal bleeding, it kind of shields the rest of the organs from being punctured, but the baby wasn't very far a long—"

"Meaning" Sean pressed of, desperate for the doctor to get to the point.

"Meaning her kidney is now bleeding as well, something we didn't see before, and she probably won't make it. I'm very sorry."

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**As I've said before, please, please, please don't hate me. If it makes you feel any better, there is still 2-4 chapter left for the circumstances to improve a bit. Just promise me you'll keep reading, okay? Anyways, I'm going to try to post the next chapter my tomorrow. I just hope that you'll all like it. Anyways, review and I'll post quicker.**

**Here is how I tried to make everyone, let me know if you noticed...**

**Paige: gloomy**

**Marco: Unreadable, schocked and filled with questions**

**Spinner: In denial**

**Griffin: Realistic**

**Once again, a great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie, fiercebiatch, iLoveyou and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely and so are you!**


	13. Chapter 13

**I know I took forever to post this chapter, and I know most of you all hate me by now… Oh well, at least I'm posting it now, lol. Anyways my sister just got married which was extremely exciting/hectic and I'm also starting high school, so almost everything has been pretty chaotic. When I'm stressed it's hard for me to write, especially with stories like this one. This is the story I get writers block the most with, so forgive me. I was so furious because I actually finally wrote this chapter, then the device for which I was writing it one broke down, so I had to re-write it and I'm not sure if it's as good as the copy before it. Anyways, this story only has a couple chapters left and I promised multiple people that I wouldn't keep forgetting to write. I can't leave you guys hanging for to long; otherwise you'll all forget the plot! Well, as usual, I hope you like the chapter!**

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_Thirteen-_

**Ellie POV:**

People came in and out of my hospital room all day, giving their condolences. It's my jealous that they have the will to leave my prison and escape these off-white walls in which I loath. The room is basically empty, which made it more difficult for me to find something to look at instead of the teary faces of my friends and family members. I am so sick of this routine that plays before me, everyone saying the exact same things. I'm almost regretting the fact that I can see again, and that the bandages were taken off my eyes this afternoon. I don't want to spend the rest of my time with a bunch of people who just make my mood worsen, making it pretty much impossible to be optimist. Among other things, I mainly just want to be laughing. I want to be spending this little time I have left happily. I wished the doctors would at least let me go outside every once and a while, but at the same time I knew it was probably impossible.

So many visitors came in, leaving me pretty emotionally strained. Some people who came by didn't even really know me. I was just beginning to realize this when a girl in my English II course came in bawling even though _I,_ couldn't even remember her name. I began to doubt people I didn't even know were that torn up about me dying. They may have cared, sure—but they would get forget about it within the next week or so. And why shouldn't they? As I said before, _they barely even knew me._ They should let me spend the time I have left with the people who truly care for me, or know the first thing about me for that matter.

I have seen about two dozen people within the last twenty-four hours, but hey—who's counting? I know my mother's here because Marco told me she got to the hospital a while ago, but I'm guessing she's just trying to gain the courage to come in. It must be so difficult to know when it's your fault that your own daughter's organs are now failing. I know I sounds cruel, but I've recently found myself not caring. When people are dying in movies, they act like they've seen the light—or got some kind of inside prospective on their lives. They spend there last days on earth being sweet to everyone who happens upon them, and try share all of there newly-found insight. I guess that's just not my style. Everyone thought I was an evil shrew in high school, so why not start thinking like one?

A few moments later, my mother finally found the nerve to come in, disrupting my morbid thoughts. Her expression was so guilty, I wanted to scream. She sat down beside me and set her hands on my mattress, near my right shoulder. Part of me was so angry I wanted to push them off, but I resisted. She looked absolutely dreadful. Her hair was disgustingly greasy, and I could stop staring at the dark circles around her sleep-deprived eye-lids. If she weren't so pathetic looking, I may not have kept back the word-venom resting in my throat. She was staring at me as if scared of me, like I were some kind of alien, or as if I was going to croak right then and there.

"How you feeling baby?" She asked me, on the verge of tears. The question made me want to start yelling at her, but instead I just stared at her, angrily. If looks could kill, our order of death would be reversed. She shook her head and continued. "I'm sorry. That was a stupid question. Of course you aren't doing well." She could barely choke out her words of concern.

"Not lately." I spoke slowly, my temper rising. "I want to talk to you about—"

She interrupted, making me even more furious. "Eleanor, this is not the time, nor the place. Can't we just forget about it for now? Now that we have more important things to worry about? I don't want to make you upset"

I chuckled, venomously. "I'm sorry, _mother_—but my being in a hospital bed isn't a get out of jail free card. You know you just don't want to talk about this because it will make _you_ feel worse, and I'm sorry but that's just not my problem. So don't give me all this bull about how you don't wish to upset me, because I just don't buy it. This is what I need mom—I need to talk about this. You need to do two things for me. Listen to what I have to say, and answer the questions I have for you. This is just how it's gunna' be, okay?"

My mom look shocked from my little out-burst, but I didn't really care. Just as long as she went along with what I was proposing. I knew that she had when I saw her look at me with sad eyes, and then nod her head. I nodded back to her matter-of-factly, recognizing the victory. I then sat up in my bed and asked, "Why—why in the _world_, would you start drinking again?"

"Ellie—it's, it's hard, okay? I wish I had a better answer for you, but I don't. I was weak—Ele. I was at a party with some of my fiends, I was talked into one glass, and I haven't been able to stop since. I know I've let you down."

"Why would they talk you into a glass if they know you're a recovering addict?" I asked, disbelievingly.

"Because they don't know I'm a recovering addict." I rolled my eyes at her, and then beckoned for her to continue. "They never knew I was in rehab, either. It's hard for me to admit to other people that I have—a problem."

I shook my head at her. "I asked two simple things from you and you can't even do that. I called the rehab facility and found out that you checked yourself out a bit early, didn't you? It's not incredibly shocking that the first thing to come out of your mouth is another lie."

She stared at me in astonishment. "I can't believe—"

"Well that's not really the issue, now is it? Me, checking up on you?" I interrupted coldly. "You check yourself out. I gave you that money to go back to rehab, remember? It's not exactly cheap, especially since you've been blowing all your money on booze, right? Did you ever, just once, think about where that money came from?"

"No" She answered honestly. _Finally, _some honesty.

"It was college money mom." I said sadly. "For next year. The money we have been saving for my education was put towards you for rehab, and you didn't even stay. I had no idea how I was going to make up the money again, but I didn't even care."

"But Eleanor—college means everything to you. Being—being a _journalist._"

I stared at her, and a spiteful smile crackled through my lips. "I guess a sober mother meant just a bit more to me." She started sobbing, and instead of breaking down with her, I continued to stare at her until she got a hold of herself. After a minute or two, she wiped her eyes and took my hands within hers, groveling. "No more drinking." I said firmly.

She nodded and began bringing my hands toward her. I cruelly ripped them away. "No. That's not enough. A nod doesn't cut it, okay? You have to swear. In fact, I'm going to make this my dying wish. Maybe then you'll actually take this seriously. Now I repeat—No more drinking?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat, making me feel like some kind of monster. She cleared her out her voice and mimicked me. "No more drinking. I swear it, Eleanor."

When I finally felt as if I could trust what she was telling me, I gave her back my hands and she entwined her fingers with my own, smiling. I hesitantly smiled with her and she kissed my forehead. "I just wish I would be around to witness it."

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**And there you have it! Chapter thirteen, painfully overdue. I know it was pretty overly-dramatic but I just couldn't help myself. Degrassi is a very dramatic show, is it not? By the way, I'm sad to tell you all that I may have tonsillitis. :(  
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**You know what might make me feel better? I think you know the answer… more reviews! :)  
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**Once again, a great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, emo.kid1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie, fiercebiatch, iLoveyou and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely and so are you! And also thank you to the 8 people who have added this story to there favorites list, and the 13 people to add it to there alerts. I'm up to 1,809 people who have read this story, so let's try to make it 2,000!**

**By the way, if you're wondering why I'm not using the standard seperation bars all of a sudden, itts because they stopped working for me. Who knows why. Sigh  
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	14. Chapter 14

**I told you I'd start updating faster again. I was pretty pleased with the way this chapter turned out, but truth be told—it doesn't matter what **_**I**_** think about it, only you guys. One thing I want to let you guys know, is that this story contains some mild Crellie stuff. Just in case you're nervous about it, it doesn't affect the Sellie-ness in this fan fiction in the slightest, so don't be angry. I just felt like there was some unresolved Craig/Ellie stuff, so I had to write it in. I promise there will be some Sellie in chapter 15, so don't loose all hope in me just yet. I also might bright Ashley into the 15****th**** chapter for a little bit, but I'm still not sure. I wanted to see if anyone thought it was a good idea. Anyways, I think this chapter is pretty good, so if I'm delusional, please let me know. I don't want to be delusional… **

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_Fourteen:_

As I woke up, it took a while for me to adjust my eyes. They were still pretty swollen from the procedure, but at least now I could honestly and non-rhetorically say that I have, _"Cried tears of blood."_ I told Marco that, but quite frankly I don't think he found it very funny. He's to busy being worried about me in a big brother sort of way—but still not in the "watching me" kind of way, if that clears anything up. He's just—protective. My eyes became soar once again as I looked around the room. I saw that my mother was with me, bending over and laying her head down next to mine. I guess we must've fallen asleep. I find it strange how close I feel to her now that I have obtained her sincerity—something of a new experience.

I silently set a quaking hand on her back in hopes to wake her—but no avail. Instead she just sunk her face deeper into the pillow that she had set up for herself and remained sound asleep. Something told me she really was awake and just didn't want to leave but for some reason I found myself dying to see Marco—my best friend. And so, I nudged her again, this time whispering to her. "Mom, wake up—Mom." She then jerked awake with a disbelieving grunt. "Mom—Um, Marco came in a while ago and told me he had to tell me something…" I lied.

"Oh, Right. Okay." She said sadly, almost making me want to change my mind, or take back what I said. _Almost._ Like I said, I really wanted to see him.

She sat up, getting the hair out of her dark eyes. She then took her purse off the nightstand and gave me one last undeserved smile before getting to her feet. "I'll go home and get cleaned up a bit, and then I'll come back in a couple hours. Does that sound alright?" She asked me.

"Definitely." I replied. As she was just getting to the door, I added, "Can you send Marco in for me?" She nodded, as I returned her smile. A false one, of course. Just a little something to hide away my guilt.

I had to share everything that has been going on lately with my best friend—my other half better summing us up. It sounded weird out loud for me to rely on one person so much, but I can't really help it. Our relationship put into purely simple and unsentimental terms—is kind of like a business deal. I scratch his back, and he scratches mine. We're always there for one another when we need it the most. We also, very importantly, speak the same language. After everything I've gone through he's the only one I can—and _want_ to talk to. I don't even have to make sense, he just gets it. He gets _me. _When the door began to open, I smiled genuinely for the first time in days, only for that smile to be replaced by a cold and soulless look of both confusion, and slight disappointment.

"Craig?" I asked questionably, in the same winded and breathless voice I've had all morning. I thought he obviously must have taken note of how awful I sounded when he shifted his sorrowful eyes towards me in a regretful glance. "Ellie." His voice was soft and coarse.

"What are you doing here? Where's—" I began, sitting up and leaning my back on the headboard of my bed.

"Marco?" He asked. I nodded as he took a couple steps closer to me. "He's just outside in the waiting room. He told me I could see you first." This angered me a little. If I specifically asked for Marco, why would he send somebody else in for him, like he didn't want to talk to me? It's not that it wasn't nice to see Craig, but still. I decided to ignore these feelings, which were eased after finally Craig added "It took some persuading, though."

It went silent for a while, with him just taking quick and uncomfortable glances at me making me wonder why he even wanted to see me so bad if he wasn't going to talk. Suddenly I heard some music playing in the next room, so I listened closely.

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_And the hardest apart_

_Was letting go not taking part_

_Was the hardest part_

_And the strangest thing_

_Was waiting for that bell to ring_

_It was the strangest start_

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_I could feel it go down_

_Bittersweet I could taste in my mouth_

_Silver lining in the clouds_

_Oh And I_

_I wish that I could work it out_

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_And the hardest part_

_Was letting go not taking part_

_You really broke my heart_

_And I tried to sing _

_But I couldn't think of anything_

_And that was the hardest part_

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_I could feel it go down_

_You left the sweetest taste in my mouth_

_You're a silver lining the clouds_

_Oh, and I_

_Oh, and I_

_I wonder what it's all about_

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_Everything I know is wrong _

_Everything I do it just comes undone_

_And everything is torn apart_

_Oh and that's the hardest part_

_That's the hardest part_

_Yeah, that's the hardest part_

_That's the hardest part_

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"The hardest part." I said softly, my lips curling up into a smile. "I love this song."

Craig smiled back at me and then took a seat in a chair at my bedside. "I forgot about how much you liked Coldplay." I nodded and tried to catch back onto the melody. He continued, stretching out his neck by rolling it into little circles. "I could never really understand why though. In my opinion, there a pretty poor excuse for an alternative band."

"You'd think they'd be right up your Ally then, Mr. Manning." I giggled uncharacteristically. He didn't seem very amused, but continued anyway, "But I forget that you're to busy listening to Bon Jovi, Red Hot Chile Peppers, and other bands that died in the nineties.

"You have no idea what you're talking about, Nash. Bon Jovi is _not _dead, and besides—you _like_ Bon Jovi. You told me two summers ago when we were talking about how much we wanted to see a concert." He ranted, trying to sound convincing. I just shrugged with him.

"To bad they're wicked expensive." I replied, getting a bit off-topic. He widened is eyes to express his agreement as he nodded his head with me.

"That's because they're classic." He added, making his last point and ending his case with a success. It went silent again making me realize that we are only completely comfortable talking when it's about music. That's something we have never had any trouble with, even when I had a major crush on him. I think that proves that music can cure anything—even awkwardness. It's like a melody remedy.

"Ellie—When I left Toronto—" He was bringing up the one thing I wanted to talk about the least. The one thing that made the air between us thick of everything unresolved."

"Craig—you really don't have to explain anything." I said, trying to get him to drop it. I should've known he wouldn't give up that effortlessly.

"No, Ellie—I want to. I know I hurt you with everything I did—about the drugs and everything. But Ellie, when I told you I loved you, I meant it." He stared at me, making me feel like I was supposed to say something, but I remained silent, so he continued. "It's funny. I told Ash once that I only say _'I love you'_ at airports, and you're the only one I've actually—"

"You didn't say it—technically. You just—"

"_Very_ _strongly implied it."_ He cut in, continuing to stare at me. I didn't speak. He left me _speechless_—which very rarely happened. I didn't know what else to tell him. Everything he was saying to me was in our past. I loved him so much, but I've finally moved on. I think he knew that, and he just wanted to be the good-guy. He must have some sort of hero complex or something.

"So—" He began again, cutting into the quiet. "When I was trying to talk Marco into letting me see you first, Sean kept glaring at me. At first I was wondering what I had done to him last time we saw each other, and now I think I know why he was acting that way. Are you and Sean—You know—"

"Yes." I replied, having no need for him to continue his question. "I mean, I think so." I added, feeling slightly uncomfortable for where this conversation was going. But Craig is always filled with all kinds of little surprises.

"Well then I'm very happy for you Ellie—really." He took my hands within his, and smiled at me. I tilted me head, smiling back at him. Craig gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before whispering in my ear. "I love you El". I gave him a friendly hug before he got to his feet. "I'll send Marco in."

As he left my room, I felt justified. I had been thinking a lot about Craig lately, and now that we have some clear air, everything seems right. I can finally let him go, which is something I've been needing to do since he left Toronto. The first, _or_ the seond time. Take your pick. Just as I started to get lost in my own thoughts again, Marco opened the door and immediately sat down at the foot of my bed.

"What was that all about, Ellie?" He asked curiously, leaning over to run a hand through my hair. "He looked pretty—expressively exhausted." He said slowly, trying to find the words.

I laughed at him and took his hand within mine. He then laid in bed beside me. Yes—It was a little cramped, but definitely worth it to be close to my best friend. "He told me he _loved_ me." I laughed a little when Marco went all _wide-eyed._

"So _now _he says it." This made me laugh even harder. He began stroking my hair back and added, "You know I love you to, right? You're my best friend Ellie. I even think Eric gets jealous sometimes."

"Please Marco. I've been told by to many guys this week that they love me." I laughed. "I guess everyone's just making up for lost time…"

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**And there you have it! I just had to have some Crellie in there. Nothing to big, but still. The next chapter is a little less dramatic and a little more—silly? Well parts of it, anyway.**

**I've gotten you all to review by cliffhangers, bribery, trivia, ransoms, poems, entrapment, reference-hunts and playing the sympathy card. How 'bout this time I just ask politely? Please review? =] **

**Once again, a great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black,XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, 1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie, fiercebiatch, iLoveyou and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely and so are you! And also thank you to the 8 people who have added this story to there favorites list, and the 13 people to add it to there alerts. I'm up to 1,909 people who have read this story, so let's try to make it 2,000!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey, readers! I'm finally putting up the next chapter. I can't help but remember when I used to post a new chapter every day. That was a much simpler time. But after this week I'm going to be on winter break so I won't have any outside obligations. I only have two or possibly three chapters left, so hang in there! I want to take the time to thank everyone who's been reading my story since the very beginning. You guys are way to patient, and way to cool.**

**By the way, I have another reference in this chapter. My sister Andrea is NOT allowed to give it away, because this one is pretty difficult to get. Well, good luck with that.**

**This chapter is a bit less angsty, which is quite different than the previous chapters. The main essence of it is not all that emotional at all actually. It's a little more fun, humorous and… optimistic? Well, anyways, I hope you like it. I remember someone leaving a review saying they liked the Jay interaction at the party, so I decided to bring him into this chapter as well. Happy reading!**

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_Chapter fifteen-_

Everything that's been happening within the last few weeks has been a blur. Everything was happening so fast, I couldn't grab hold of anything to stop the spinning that is my life. I was not that kind of girl. The things I did—or said. Yet they're all still here, with open arms. The people I hurt remain by my side which I find completely ridiculous. I mess up and somehow my friends and family are the ones to pay; suffer for my actions. They're willing to give so much up for my well-being. I am disgusted with myself for being so selfish, and part of me wishes that they didn't care enough to come and visit me each day. At least then I wouldn't have to see their sad eyes that have been haunting my subconscious and feel their broken hearts. _I am not this kind of girl._

If I were in any position to make requests, which I'm not, I wish above all else that people would stop action so god damn serious around me. God, I just hate it so much. I want to spend my time laughing, not crying like those around me. I like to think I've gone beyond that—or possibly haven't gotten there at all yet, I'm uncertain. I've always known I have spent the better half of my life being bitter and sarcastic and I don' want to do it anymore. I've been saying that for year but this time I'm going to make it stick. Maybe if I'm positive for once in my life, people will stop acting to maddeningly sulky. Especially Sean, whose been brooding around my room for days.

I hate myself for putting Sean through this. I hate myself for bringing the best thing in my life to sorrow. I hate myself for a lot of things now. I thought he would be angry at me for what I have done, but I should have known he wouldn't. Instead he has been sweeter to me then he probably should. Each night he knows I'm alone, he's been sneaking in against regular visiting hours to lie in bed with me, never uttering a word. I loved enjoying that peaceful silence with him. It's been one of the greatest things to look forward to each day that could be my last. As he holds me, the gentle rise and fall of his steady breathing reminds me that's I'm not dreaming because it's simply to content for my imagination. The rhythm of his heart beating against my own chest is my only anchor to this world now. He always sneaks out before the nurse checks up on me in the morning, but I never catch it as he leaves me sleeping. Something tells me he's not quite as stealthy as he seems, and the sweet nurse who sees me every day is a bleeding heart and has been in on it all along. I've always liked her…

The gentle click of a door lock woke me the next morning,. I looked around and sure enough, Sean was nowhere to be found. I smiled and shook my head. As I looked up at the door, the sickeningly beaming face of my nurse Mary-Rose was grinning down at me. I took in her appearance as it overwhelmed me, being the first thing I saw in the morning. She looked much too young to be working here—that much was obvious. Her golden locks were tied back in a messy bun held in place by two black plastic chopsticks. She was, as far as I could tell, genetically gifted. Her baby blue eyes with dark rims sparkled in the fluorescents, and her rosy cheeks against her porcelain skin gave her a beautifully natural flush. As she sat in a chair next to me, renewing my I.V fluids, she continuously smiled.

"So," She finally said, checking the position of the needle in my right arm. "That boy that keeps showing up here sure is cute. Not that you haven't had a quite a few boys in here checkin' up on you all the time." Her tone was something of a fourteen year old girl's, hungry for gossip. I smile beside myself, for what she must think of me.

My reply was a weak chuckle as I blinked away the sleepy tears in the corners of my still sore eyes. This was apparently not what she had in mind of a response, as she continued to speak.

"Now, you just can't leave me hangin' like that." I suddenly recognized the very light hint of a southern accent in her tone. "You know the boy I'm talkin' about. Don't you deny it. Tall—blond hair—blue eyes—bit of an attitude."

I decided to cut her off there. "That's Sean." I smiled at the thought of him, and suddenly found myself wishing he was with me. "My boyfriend." That last statement even caught _me_ off guard. _'Boyfriend,' _I thought about how the word sounded so foreign now, like I was back making puppy-dog eyes at my high school crush. But it was true, wasn't it? We may not be _'official'_ as the kids are often calling it these days, but the emotion behind it is undeniably accurate.

He was always coming to see me at night, he brought me coffee from the cafeteria, played messenger when there was someone I wanted to see, and even ran back to the house if there was something I needed. I finally feel like there's someone who truly cares about me again, and this time I won't run away from it. I love Sean, and there is no doubt about it.

Suddenly, a knock at the door pushed my thoughts away as I snapped back into reality. I sighed as Mary-Rose eyed me convincingly. I nodded and she hollered, "Come in!" through the closed door. As the door opened, revealing Jimmy, Jay and Spinner, my nurse snickered as she shook her head back a forth in fluid motions. "More boys to see you miss Nash? What a very lucky girl you are." What can I say? Most of my friends were guys. The only best friends I have ever had that were girls were Ashley, Paige and Alex—only one of them still left. Mary-Rose eyed my friends approvingly before exiting the room. Jimmy took in a deep sigh as Spinner and Jay watched her exit, not so subtly interested in her ass. When she was gone, their attention was back on me, smirks still plastered on their faces. _Disgusting_, if you ask me.

"Well," I said, cutting into the silence like a knife, "I haven't been surrounded by so many strapping young men by my bedside since that night with the lacrosse team." At first, nobody laughed. They were unsure of how to react around me as if I were some sort of fragile time bomb prepared to detonate at any moment. I inhaled deeply, annoyed by their actions. "That was a joke," I mumbled encouragingly. Jay was the first to chuckle as he sat down in a chair to my right. Spinner followed suit sitting opposite him, and Jimmy remained where he was. If there's one thing I can count on Jay for, it's never losing his sense of humor, and that was something I was in desperate need for; laughter.

"So—let me guess." I said with a sarcastically dramatic sigh. "You're all here to admit your undying love for me, right?"

"That's been happening a lot then, eh Red?" Jay asked me with his usual smirk.

I sat up and relaxed my back against the spine-tingling chilly wall behind me. "No, not really. Just lately, I suppose."

"Makin' up for lost time, then?" This was a joke most wouldn't find the least bit humorous in my situation, but I on the other hand, found it extremely amusing. Even Jimmy shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"It's really funny you should say that, because I was thinking the exact same thing a while ago." I responded with a light smile. It was quiet once again, everyone interested in a different part of the room. I decided to break the silence, once again. "So, Jay—I heard you're dating _Manny_ now." I couldn't help but laugh out loud at the thought of it.

Spinner nodded and joined into the laughter. "_Yeah_ he is." Once everyone was chuckling at him, Jay glowed a bright pink. Regardless to if it was out of anger or embarrassment, I have never seen Jay flush before, which made everything that much funnier.

"Whipped," Jimmy fake-coughed, causing Jay to glare at him murderously.

"But seriously, Jay." I said, now suppressing my giggle -fits. "_Manny?_ I mean, what exactly is it that makes guys so crazy? Wait—I don't want to know. Anyways, you guys are like polar opposites. I mean, could you even imagine the rebellious, hell-spawn, prom queen children? One week they'll be stealing from a video store and the next they'll get drunk and flash a video camera. That'll result in a couple calls home, don't you think?"

"First of all, if the kids are anything like myself, they'll be fantastic drunks. It takes a lot to get the quarters champion drunk, I'm proud to say. Secondly, I know you're a chick, but have you _seen _Manny? That girl's fine as hell in my book." Jay was doing the typically guy thing. He was trying his best to sound cool and boasty, but I saw right through him. Like hell I'd leave it at that.

"Come now. We both know that's not all it is." I replied eying him suspiciously. "The way Sean tells it, you're totally smitten. So what did little ole' Manuela do to convince the infamous Jason Hoggart to settle down?"

"Well, for starters, I don't think Sean has his story straight, and I also highly doubt he used the word _smitten_." He then crossed his arms over his chest defensively.

"Yeah right, and you spent a few hours in a jail cell over spring break for kicks?" Jimmy muttered under his breath. I looked to Spinner for confirmation and he nodded. When Jay appeared to be making a decision on whether or not to jump across the room to throttle Jimmy, I decided to leave the Jay-teasing at that.

"Why do you care so much anyways, Elle?" He asked in his attempted _seductive voice_, trying to get on my nerves—succeeding to get on my nerves, rather. Payback, I suppose. "You're not jealous, are you? I knew it. Sean can't hold a candle to me."

I laughed and shook my head. "You caught me. I've been secretly wanting you for some time now. I don't know what's gotten into me." I said sarcastically.

"I know what can get into you if you play your cards right, Red." Spinner chuckled, but neither me or Jimmy found this to be in the least bit funny.

"_Bleh," _I released my sounds of disgust as a shudder went through my spine for dramatic effect. "That's repulsive."

"You know, Jay." Spinner began, turning his focus towards him. "A certain fiancé of yours would be upset to hear about you putting the moves on someone she's already insecure about. Even when you're joking." I couldn't help but cling on to what Spinner had just said. I never knew Manny was insecure about me. In fact, I spent most of my high school career being insecure about _her._

Jay scoffed, "Maybe if she hadn't been making googly-eyes at Mr. Big-Time Rock star all day I'd give a damn." I looked downward uncomfortably, realizing Craig was probably a soft spot for Jay. "Speaking of which, I should probably go bring her home and make sure she doesn't have her tongue down his throat."

"It is in her nature." I mumbled. As Jay stared at me with a smirk, I added, "Sorry Jay—I hate your girlfriend. Can't help it. I honestly don't feel that bad, since you can't even trust the girl you're dating."

"What can I say, Red?" Jay asked, getting to the door. "It is what it is." I shook my head as I thought of the messed up relationship they must have. If they actually do get married, their life could be like some sort of bizarre sitcom.

* * *

**Well, there it was! The long awaiting 15****th**** chapter. Oooh. Anyways, I really hoped you liked it. I love Jay, so I had to bring him in sooner or later. By the way, if you like Jay/Ellie pairings you should check out my story Crash the Party. It's still in the making. **

**I'm done with shmancy gimmicks to get reviews. Okay, that's a lie, but since I'm not feeling particularly creative at the moment, I'm just going to leave it at that. But none the less, reviews are greatly appreciated as always. **

**Once again, a great big heap of thanks to Greg Styles, hudsygurl, S.L. Gunn, ScreamsInTheDark, Brooks's-Babey, Dahlia Faith Black, XALLOWspuffyBuFf, breathe-in3, rocklesson86, carrebear14, tribalranger, 1992, sparkle587, Chelsey, Allie, fiercebiatch,****Laylabelle****, ****willowtaramagick****,**** iLoveyou and MAGRADY03! Your reviews are lovely and so are you! And also thank you to the 8 people who have added this story to there favorites list, and the 13 people to add it to their alerts. I'm up to 2,349 people who have read this story, so let's try to make it 3,000!**


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